Day One: One in a Long Line

(Mommy and Me)

Before You Begin: Read Genesis 17:1-11

The Covenant of Circumcision

When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said, “I am God Almighty; walk before me faithfully and be blameless. Then I will make my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers.”

Abram fell facedown, and God said to him, “As for me, this is my covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations. No longer will you be called Abram; your name will be Abraham, for I have made you a father of many nations. I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you. I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you. The whole land of Canaan, where you now reside as a foreigner, I will give as an everlasting possession to you and your descendants after you; I will be their God.”

Then God said to Abraham, “As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised. You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you.”

Stop and Consider: “This is my covenant, with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised.”

Questions Asked of Me: You may or may not come from a family line of Christian belief. But what value do you place on religious heritage? What do we give up by living only in the present?

Sadly…I did come from a family of Christian belief but at the first opportunity to turn from that belief. I did. I recognized my upbringing only as religion and something I was made to do. I never realized that having a relationship with Jesus was an option or especially available to me. After a certain point; doing all of the things I did in my past and hurting those I love….children and parents; I thought I was too far past that opportunity to ever seek Him out. Living in the present was never something I was very good at it. I have always wore my past as a plague and something I was never meant to be forgiven for….until Jesus came along. I am grateful every day for Him and for my parents never giving up on me and teaching me that you can be forgiven for your past if you repent and don’t repeat it. Lately…I am not thinking about my past as much as I am worried about the future. I was obedient in moving to Nineveh…but now what? If Jesus has a purpose for me by moving here, when will I get to know what it is? I know that by living only in the present I will give up that worry and concern. I know that by living for Him just for today, every day, will prove better for me. BUT… knowing what I gain by living only in the present and actually living it are two entirely different things. Hence my search for renewed and consistent faith and not just when things appear to be going the way that I THINK they should go.

What role do ceremony and tradition play in your and your family’s life, especially your life of faith? How have you been blessed by keeping these spiritual markers over the years?

I am embarrassed to say that my biggest spiritual marker of faith is our prayer vase which I just recently was excited to blog about; taking out each slip of paper with a different worry to give to Jesus and not be concerned about for ourselves. Most of the worries were no longer relevant; Him taking care of them all….a permanent job for Robbe being a biggie; hence the reason we moved to Nineveh…I think. I know that each piece of paper that gets folded up is a blessing to be asked for and given. I know that each time I have trusted and followed Jesus; He has never let me down. But again; knowing and living a life of renewed and consistent faith are two different things.

I learned about faith; finding and believing in it for every circumstance, from Paul about a year ago. I find myself on this part of my journey now because I want it back and I know it is possible…because anything is possible when we have a relationship with Jesus. So, here we are.

Detour: Beth Moore goes on to give a bit of history about Paul; his history, his lineage, and the life before him. It wasn’t always to follow Christ but he was raised to be special, revered, and important. I am certain his family had no idea to what extent. I was raised in a home with love and promise. I was given every tool for success and yet, decided that living in a small town or going to a small college was not for me. I knew better for my life and at 17 went out into the world to prove it. My detour lasted until I was 40; three marriages and three kids later….and yet my parents and Jesus were still around when I FINALLY got back on track, to no credit of my own. Beth writes “In a society where a child could be discarded as rubbish, nothing was more important to the Jew than offspring.” Paul was born “Saul”, a Hebrew from the tribe of Benjamin, named for the first king of the chosen nation of Israel. I was born “Heidi” to a 15 year old girl in the sixties, that no matter how hard the decision or circumstance…made the decision to keep me; no abortion, no adoption. Since becoming a Christian, there has been no greater thought in my mind of what my mom did for me. I am certain that when she made that decision she never imagined the hard times I would bring to our family just as I am certain this moment of Paul’s birth did not give a hint to the life that lay before him or his family.

The one thing I have learned on this journey is that…it is never too late. Being a Christian doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes. Having a relationship with Jesus doesn’t mean that I don’t still doubt things I know are from Him; ahem, moving to Nineveh. THAT is why I am honestly seeking to know Paul all over again and get help from Him in renewing my faith with fervor and consistency, getting the fire to replace the doubt and have faith: real, consistent, continued faith.

Praying God’s Word Today: This means more to me than anything else, Lord – that You have chosen us for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and through belief in the truth. You called us to this through the gospel, so that we might obtain glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, may we stand firm and hold to the traditions we were taught (2Thessalonians 2:13-15), taking what You have begun in our hearts and living it out with faithfulness and boldness.

Stand Firm

“But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters loved by the Lord, because God chose you as firstfruits to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.

So then, brothers and sisters, stand firm and hold fast to the teaching we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.” 2Thessalonians 2:13-15

Dear Jesus:

I want to live faithfully and boldly. I may not have known what to do with things I picked up from my churches or parents growing up, but I am eager to learn and appreciate them now. I am seeking answers in how to be more consistently faithful. I want to be a better spokesperson for you and hope that I can be bolder than ever for you here in Nineveh. You know me better than anyone and know that patience is not something I am very good at it. Teach me to be patient. Help me to be a better example and worthy of being the firstfruit to my parents. You chose my mom to go through what she did and in turn chose me to go through what I did…for a reason; so that WE might share in the glory of YOU. I am hitting the reset button and getting back which I thought was lost in losing my faith for even the slightest of moments.

Love,

Me

Packing for my Field Trip with Paul

Tomorrow begins my field trip with Paul; getting to know him better and finding myself, and my faith, in the process. I formed this crush on Paul last summer when I was going through an uncertain period in my life; looking for affirmation, purpose, and faith.

I was obedient when Jesus asked me to move to Nineveh. I was obedient but I have not had the continued faith that I try to represent to many that know me. I sought my bookshelves for a book that would find me exactly where I am right now and it is the bible study that will take me on a journey with Paul; his journey of faith. He wrote those letters in the bible for me and I know that this book will be a reminder of every word he wrote to me and every word I came to cling to last summer when my faith wavered.

As I begin this walk of faith; learning more of Paul…and myself, I will blog these 90 days in a different way than my usual storytelling, while still keeping my personality and my fervor for his favor.

Each day will be broken up into four pieces with little detours thrown in where Jesus lets me be the spokesperson He created me to be.   =D

·         Before You Begin: is the set of scriptures that will lay the groundwork for insight into the life of Paul and into my own….here in Nineveh.

·         Stop and Consider: will be the one piece of scripture to focus on for that day, pulled from our beginning verses.

·         Questions Asked of Me: will be the personal parts of my story to help me emulate Paul and hopefully help others in identifying with me….letting me know that I am not alone in this journey.

·         Praying God’s Word Today: is a prayer between me and Jesus (and those along for the ride) to keep me accountable, grateful, and open to any “echoes” to get me back on track to my faith and footwork and not fear of the unknown of tomorrow because Jesus is already there.

My backpack is packed. I have pens and a brand new covered composition book. I have my pink blinged out laptop, my New Life Application Study Bible and my Women of Faith Devotional Bible at my fingertips. I have prayed for an open heart (we know how that went) and I am always eager to learn what this book has to teach.

“I wish before God,” replied Paul, “that whether easily or with difficulty, not only you but all who listen to me today might become as I am – except for these chains.” Acts 26:29

I wish to become more like Paul. I know we should all strive to be like Jesus but he was perfect and that seems so unattainable. Being like Paul, who lived his whole life trying to be like Jesus is what I am looking for in these next 90 days.

Join me on this journey in getting to know Paul and learn by his trials and triumphs, what living in faith is really like.

A Weekend with the Ninevites

Right in the middle of my first week in Nineveh, a toothache and a birthday happened and I wasn’t looking forward to what either brought… until the Ninevites and my husband surprised me.  

Robbe was tired of seeing me wince in pain and noticed that no amount of Alleve or Orajel was doing what it needed to do. He made a dentist appointment for me, the day before my birthday. I had hoped to go out to celebrate since we were apart for my birthday last year; him in Michigan and me with my family in California. He said that my health was more important and we could celebrate later. I acted like a spoiled brat and pouted to no avail. The dentist appointment that was made….was kept.

I’m not afraid of dentists; quite the contrary. I like going to the dentist and pride myself in a smile that shows my personality… a goofball of sorts. But I was in pain and didn’t want to hear what they may have said…pull a tooth that would put my birthday celebration on hold. I didn’t want to celebrate later, I wanted to celebrate the next day and a pulled tooth would have squashed that idea. Robbe did everything; he made the appointment, he took off work and drove me there, he even filled out the paperwork that they require for new patients. I was scared but I was so moved at just how important this appointment was for my husband that I couldn’t be mad at him anymore.

My name was called and as I walked back to the chair; a plaque was hanged just under a mirror in the hallway. It read: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

Paul? In my dentist’s office? Wow. Aside from the waiting room being decorated just as I would have liked, and the people welcoming me as if I had been there before…this plaque sealed the deal that Robbe picking a dentist just based on its proximity to home… got lucky. Or did he? I am confident that Jesus even had a hand in the selection of our dentists. It should come as no secret that afterwards, Robbe read their biographies and both dentists in the office are best friends and attend the same church that he has been going to for the past five months.

“Dr. Jeremy Chad Hopkins grew up in the Tulsa area. He attended high school in Mannford, OK. After graduating high school, Jeremy attended Tulsa Community College for two years before ultimately attending the University of Oklahoma for the remainder of his undergraduate education. In 1997 Jeremy received his Doctorate of Dental Surgery from the University of Oklahoma College of Dentistry. Since then he has practiced dentistry in the State of Oklahoma. Jeremy has been married to his wife Rene’ for 13 years.  They reside in Owasso, Oklahoma with their three children Roman, Reece and Ella Hopkins who attend Lincoln Christian School.  When not practicing dentistry, Jeremy enjoys spending time with his family, attending Church on the Move, cheering for the Sooners, camping and fishing. Dr. Hopkins and his best friend Dr. Bybee opened Modern Day Dental in 2005 with a commitment to excellence and Godly character. It has been a great pleasure for Jeremy to serve the dental needs of the Owasso community.”

I am soooo grateful that Jesus never says “I told you so” because there have been so many opportunities for JUST that.

The x-rays were taken and it was decided that my upper wisdom tooth on the right, was to be pulled BUT only after a week of antibiotics and painkillers. Woohoo…. Birthday night out was still intact; I did what my husband AND Jesus wanted me to do and I STILL get what I wanted…to celebrate my birthday with the Ninevites.

I have a favorite black cocktail dress that I haven’t worn since June of 2009; and one I happen to know that Robbe loves too. So, even though we had no definite plans of where we were going for dinner and found a local pub to go to for karaoke… I thought it was the perfect dress to wear out BUT it needed a little touch of my personality and a bit of Nineveh.

Robbe came home from work with a bouquet of my favorite wildflowers and an awesome card. I think he liked what he saw when he noticed our favorite black dress with a little bit of kick. I paired my black cocktail dress with my tiffany blue and brown cowboy boots, a denim jacket with my bling cross on the back, the big blingy cross necklace that Robbe bought me for my birthday last year; along with a double strand necklace with more bling, and more bling in a flower headband that I wore in my hair (which Alyssa just happens to have also….go figure). It was fun and I felt awesome in it; ready to party with the Ninevites in their local surroundings.

We went to Olive Garden for dinner and then went to the pub. The parking lot was full and the welcome was awesome. No one seemed to mind that we hadn’t been there before. Before even taking a seat, two women at the bar stopped chatting with each other and complimented my headband, loved my boots, and even thought “I smelled real pretty.” Their accents were thick and their drawls were thicker. They were the most genuine I had met so far in Nineveh and they shared their names; Rhonda and Kathy, said they were best friends, and wished me a Happy Birthday. We played pool and we signed up for karaoke. After chatting a bit more, I learned that Kathy’s birthday was the next day. Soooo….. we went to our storage unit which just happened to be two miles away, I found my clear container that had my silly hats in it and brought it back to the pub where our friendly Ninevites had NO idea what was about to happen.

Only my favorite hats made the trip. Most were given away or donated. But, my black top hat with bunny ears, the green top hat with many pink buttons sewn to it, the pink furry top hat, my spring filled Santa hat, and the pink crown that said “Drama Queen” were brought inside. I left them at the bar and loved the reactions as the hats were passed around for people to wear. They were just like us after all. These Ninevites with the strong accents and slow drawls were just as excited to pretend to be someone else as I was when I dressed up for our night out. We were home by 11pm, which may be early for some but was perfect for us. It was a great date and a great birthday; and just what I needed to remind me that even Nineveh can offer great moments if I am open to them and invite them in….easier said than done but something I am most definitely willing to try.

Robbe and I had heated conversations the next day about where to go to church. He was adamant about wanting to go the church he had been attending alone for the last five months, I wanted to try a new church up the road from where we live. I made phone calls to Robbe’s church before even moving here. They didn’t offer bible studies or small groups, or any way to get connected with others on a regular basis…aside from Sunday. The church that I found and wanted to attend had all of the above.

I wasn’t being fair. There was something in the church Robbe had been attending while he lived here. I asked him what it was about “his” church that was the reason he wanted me to attend despite not having the extras I was looking for. He had no answer. He just said he knew it was somewhere I would like and it felt like the church for us. That should have been enough for me but I was as stubborn as he was adamant. I agreed to go but in all honesty, I was just giving him lip service…like when someone is listening to you talk but you can tell they aren’t hearing you…just waiting for their turn to speak. I had no intention of liking the church he wanted; already having my sights on another. I remembered Lynette. She went through a similar dilemma last year where she didn’t pray for an answer to her situation but prayed to Jesus to open her heart. I did just that. I prayed to Jesus to open my heart to liking the church Robbe had picked out BUT… even as I prayed to open my heart, I didn’t want one. I just wanted to go to this church on the way to the one I wanted.

http://www.churchonthemove.com/

I walked into the sanctuary, making comparisons to Northridge Church, my church in Michigan. They were starting a new series called “My church is kind of a big deal” and many people wore t-shirts that said as much. I couldn’t help thinking to myself that “MY” church was a bigger deal and I missed it more just walking into another sanctuary. We sat in row 5, seats 9 and 10…just like home. I wanted to get there early to talk with people nearby and find out how they network with others if there aren’t bible studies or small groups but I said nothing. I prayed for an open heart but I didn’t really want one. When worship began…they sang songs I had never heard but it didn’t matter. That prayer of an open heart was answered anyway…and there were lines in each song that I knew were just for me.

That Dang Jesus….

I prayed for an open heart because it was something I knew Lynnette did but it was only when He opened my heart and I did something I didn’t want to do that I remembered….the same thing happened to Lynnette. She prayed for an open heart in hopes that He would tell her to do what she wanted and instead, He opened her heart and she did what would have been her second choice.

That Dang Jesus….

Despite not hearing these songs before and not being one to even sing the songs, I cried. There were lines that said “I will get through this season…my eyes focused on you.” UGH…. Or “Forgive me where I am and give me strength to get where you want me.” Holy Moly….

It gets even better when the guest speaker gets up and talks about JUST being new; new to the church, new to the area, new to Christ. He said that he knows what it’s like and gave the perfect analogy. “It’s like trying to jump on a train that is going 60MPH and then if you are lucky enough to get on…. You get on the train and realize that everyone there knows everyone and appears to be just like each other and you STILL don’t have any idea what you are doing there.” YES…. THAT is exactly how I felt as I sat in my usual church seat in a very unusual place…in Nineveh.

Then… he said that if you are looking for a way to get connected with those in the church there will be a meeting coming up for JUST that called Next Steps Gathering that will be happening on September 11th; ways to get involved in church, meet others from the church you may have in common with, and how to volunteer and be a part of something greater than yourself. Everything I was looking for and sure that this church didn’t have….until now.

My weekend with the Ninevites was exactly what Jesus thought I needed…and He was right. He not only opened my heart but He changed it. He helped me to see that they aren’t the ones that are different….but it is me that is different. The reason for all of this change is simply because I got to comfortable where I was and Jesus thought things needed to be mixed up.

My faith has been wavering lately; based solely on fear of the unknown. Whether it was the dentist, karaoke, or church…Jesus showed me that I can do everything for Him that I was already doing, but He wanted me to do it here. When I had doubts of faith and following before, I turned to Paul and that is what I find myself doing now.

Not long ago, Robbe bought be a 90 Day bible study by Beth Moore aptly titled “Paul:  90 Days on His Journey of Faith.” It is amazing to look at with burnished pages and just too pretty to write in; so I haven’t. But now I feel it is just the time to join Paul on his journey of faith since I could use a bit of my own.

It is a big commitment but one I am driven to make. I am not only committed to taking this journey with my bible crush for the next 90 days but I am compelled to write about it daily on my blog. I am doing so in hopes that this battle between faith and fear of the unknown that I am going through now, will help someone else AND because I feel that writing and sharing in my blog for each of the 90 days will keep me accountable to maintain that goal.

So, beginning tomorrow…please join me as I begin a new journey in Nineveh with my crush to get me through; as he has done many times in the past.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” Philippians 3:12

One Week in Nineveh

We did it. A week ago today, we moved to Nineveh…. and the trip was far from uneventful. We pulled out of our driveway under the cover of darkness at 4am; a 22ft Penske truck driven by Robbe and Baby and I following behind with Paulie (our cocker spaniel named after my bible crush).

We were excited for this first leg of our trip despite knowing that we had 18 hours ahead of us; traffic, weather, my husband driving a HUGE moving truck for the FIRST time…. and many other variables, uncertain before us. I prayed…and I prayed. Thank goodness Jesus brought his backpack full of travel games and worry fixers with him because I most certainly wouldn’t have made it otherwise.

Let me digress for just a moment. For those of you that only know me by words and not personally, I feel it only fair to share my apprehension in driving or even riding in a car, with you. I don’t drive so the 18 hour drive ahead was left solely to my 19 year old daughter. I felt bad but not bad enough to get behind the wheel to help her. Ugh… still working on that; maybe Nineveh will help that in time but I’m still not rushing anything… having been a scaredy cat behind the wheel or even in the passenger seat for nearly two years already. Anyway… I get nervous even riding in a car on the freeway from one city to the next and now I was expected to “be okay” for 18 hours on many freeways AND following behind a big yellow truck filled with ALL of our belongings, driven by my husband whom I worried about the ENTIRE way. I know, I know…. Give my worries to Jesus. I know, I know…. I give him everything in my prayer vase but this was different. Wasn’t it? Let’s just say that this trip would be adventurous for some and maybe even fun for others but this road trip to Nineveh was not something I was looking forward to in any way. Sleeping below deck came so easy for Jonah, fully trusting the crew of a bought out ship to get him as far away from Nineveh as possible. Needless to say, sleeping on the way to Nineveh was NOT an option for me.

So, back to the journey at hand.

Baby did a great job following Robbe, who blindly followed the directions spouted out by our newly purchased GPS. We had lots of snacks and things to drink in our cars so stopping for gas was the only reason we stopped at all…and potty breaks of course. All was well through Michigan, Indiana, and even Illinois but crossing into Missouri really changed things. It began to get ugly and I don’t just mean the weather; although it was definitely a catalyst to the emotions running high in the Jeep behind the big yellow truck. It began raining and then turned into a downpour in a matter of minutes. Of course it was at the same time that traffic got congested on a five lane freeway and Robbe had to make a last minute change of lanes to an exit marking “Tulsa”, making us frantic to follow. Baby was trying to focus on the road ahead while the windshield wipers went back and forth as fast as they could. I wasn’t any help, crying in the seat beside her as Robbe and our big yellow truck pulled further ahead with cars darting between us. She snapped at me and told me to stop freaking out because it was freaking her out and that wasn’t helping anyone. I continued to sob but gulped in my tears as I sat silently beside her; holding my breath with each car changing lanes before us and trying to keep the yellow truck in our sights. It went on like this for ten minutes; quiet sobbing, windshield wipers whipping, radio off, and Baby’s hands gripped firmly on the steering wheel as she strained forward….getting any help she could muster to see through the heavy rain ahead. When it finally subsided and we caught up to Robbe, we breathed a sigh of relief, even laughing at what had just happened; a nervous laughter with hopes we were done with that kind of weather for the rest of the trip. Luckily…we were.

There were bumpy roads ahead; heat and threatening clouds, traffic that came and went and more nervous moments but NOTHING like that brought with Missouri. Missouri was a big state to drive across but the first that actually showed signs that we were on the right track to Tulsa; our final destination. We live in Owasso which is just 15 minutes outside of Tulsa so we were happy when the numbers got smaller and smaller.

We arrived at our new home just before 10pm. I told Baby as we neared, not to mention how small the apartment was or to talk about how hot it was. I am sure that Robbe has worried plenty about whether or not we would like it here in Nineveh. I even practiced it myself…the “not mentioning heat or size of our new living arrangements”. Apparently I didn’t practice long enough or hard enough.

We pull into our gated community, and before Robbe even finishes parking the big yellow truck and as Baby and I pull into another parking space, I am complaining. “This looks like a hotel. Look at the cars in the parking lot. I can’t believe how small this place looks. I feel like we are visiting someone else and am thankful that we don’t live here. Do we really live here now? This is soooo not going to be long-term despite what I said to him before.” Baby was quick to put me in check and remind me that Robbe was going to be excited to bring us home and we SHOULD NOT mention any of the things I rambled off just minutes before. I was quiet when he opened my door but my face spoke volumes; probably repeating everything I had just said without saying a word. Robbe looked sad and disappointed and yet it was not enough for me to KEEP being quiet. I told him I felt like we were at a hotel and it would take some getting used to. He said nothing. I walked slowly through an outdoor hallway and followed him up a set of stairs; still not moving very fast or looking excited to finally be living in the same state with my husband. He opened the door to our “new home” and it was everything I thought it would be; small and beige and soooo nice….for someone else. I walked around the apartment and complained about the lighting in the kitchen, the floors in the bathroom, and the placement of the laundry room; not even realizing that many apartments don’t have laundry in suite. Oops. Nope…. Still wasn’t grateful and sounding more snobby than I can even convey in this blog. Definitely not one of my finer moments but this “journal” isn’t about sharing those moments but ALL of the moments that Jesus and I face together and I am CERTAIN he was shaking his head in disgust just as Baby was….as I continued to focus on all of the negatives and not the positives; being in the same state with my husband, being obedient to what He asked of me, and the adventures that Jesus has laid out for me….here in Nineveh.  

I wish I could report that it got better but even as I fell into the one mattress that we pulled off the big yellow truck, I worried and wondered. This week I felt as if God was mixing up a bunch of bible stories and having me live a bit in each of them. This moment had me reliving my scripture that Paul shares with me often, and one I always nod to and say “Oh yeah…. Thank goodness I believe that too.” It goes a little something like this…. “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Philippians 4:12

Funny how it’s easy to think you believe in that scripture when everything is going your way but not one you want to pop into your head as you go to bed worrying about square footage or the types of cars in the parking lot. I even tried to think about where I was a year ago and how grateful I was to be in the same state with my husband….my faith and strength lasted no longer than a minute and I was embarrassed to lie awake as my husband slept soundly beside me.

I woke up eager to have the movers arrive and begin unloading the truck. After a trip to Starbucks and the market that was very “Gidget friendly”, they arrived on time and ready to work. With each walk up of boxes and furniture, I felt the walls close in more and more. I was proud of myself for the packing job I did in Michigan but seeing those same boxes be brought in three and four at a time left my heart pounding and my mind reeling. I tried to unpack them as they came in the house but felt like the "I Love Lucy" episode when she works at the chocolate factory and the conveyor belt was going faster than she could pack. She was able to stuff candy into pockets and her mouth and even her hat…I started unpacking boxes but soon found I had nowhere left to unpack them to and I began to feel more than a bit overwhelmed.

I was working in the kitchen when it first happened; quickly running out of cabinet space, so I went to work in the master bedroom but couldn’t even begin to unpack boxes there since dressers and shelving hadn’t even made it in yet. The living room was futile since 40 boxes were now piled upon each other, most of which were books. Books that had to be unpacked onto bookshelves that needed to be assembled and anchored to the walls before they could be useful. AARRGGHH….

I lost it. I went into the master bedroom and just began to cry. I had a literal meltdown in the middle of moving day. When Robbe came into our room to find me there; there was no denying that I was upset and my heart and mouth just spilled out. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this. I always pride myself in unpacking and decorating within two days of moving and I look around now and just don’t know how that will EVER happen. I open a box and try to unpack it but then realize there is nowhere to unpack it to. I move to another room and run into the same problem. This place is just TOO small. How are we ever going to make it work here? Does Jesus know just how much stuff we still have, even after selling, donating, and giving away so much before moving here?” Robbe just hugged me and told me it would be okay but I didn’t believe him. I had been trying to believe Jesus for the last month since He started saying it; to no avail.

Needless to say, the first two days in Nineveh weren’t ones I looked forward to sharing but write in hopes that it will get better.

Sunday arrived and we didn’t get to church. I was tired and quite frankly, not in the best of moods to try and meet new people. I woke up, again refreshed, with a new confidence that I could make a dent in the 90 boxes that had been unloaded into a 1,100sq foot apartment. “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 (Yeah…more Paul. As much as I love this guy, sometimes he just won’t be quiet when I really need to be alone for my pity parties) Funny how this scripture just follows the one I couldn’t get out of my head the night before. “Gee, thanks Paul. I get it.”

Things were good. Boxes began getting unpacked and I even thought the apartment was looking bigger as I started to see parts of the floor and not just another moving box under the last one unpacked. Robbe anchored the bookshelves to the wall, more boxes got unpacked, and it felt more like home as my books found their ways to the empty shelves that screamed for them. Maybe I could do this after all.

Robbe went to work on Monday and Tuesday and then the rains came; lots of it. Nineveh hasn’t had rain in nearly a year and our first week had four days of it. Thunderstorms and lightning along with continuous rain and downpours. These Ninevites must have been wondering what the heck was going on while I looked outside of my very small, beige abode….giggling to myself as I thought that God really must have me mixed up in more than one bible story. I was beginning to wonder if I was to build an ark like Noah in Genesis 6 – 9 or if I was supposed to prepare for crossing the lake to Capernaum like the disciples in John 6:16-24. I even thought of my good friend Jabez again this week; when I asked God to expand my territories and He did just that by moving us a couple of years ago to Plymouth, MI. I guess he decided they needed further expanding despite not continuing to pray this prayer found in 1Chronicles 4:10. Here I thought I was just living out the life of the reluctant apostle Jonah by traveling to Nineveh and now I felt awash with many other stories of trials and faith that He directed me to in the bible. For anyone that thinks the bible isn’t relevant today…please read a few of these stories I mention above for proof of the EXACT opposite. Oh how I long for the days of just relating to my bible crush Paul and being happy about where I was then and there. I am definitely in uncharted waters now and instead of becoming more clear to me, it only seems to get murkier and murkier.

My first week in Nineveh has been one of fear and faith; more of one than the other I’m afraid. I will let you guess which is which. I have turned to my bible a lot this week and perhaps that is just the way Jesus wants it too; anything to make a point. He is a sneaky one and ALWAYS persistent; gotta like that in a guy. (I know I do just because it took me twelve years to come around in the first place so I am sure He knows I will get there soon enough….even in Nineveh).

The small bouts of interaction with the Ninevites has been pleasant enough but I have still not come around to Jesus’ way of thinking just yet. I know that I am a work in progress and have the best of intentions, even if those intentions are a bit slow in materializing.

We are going to a new church this weekend. It is one that Robbe has been attending for the last five months. I feel like I am being dragged there a bit since I have already spoken to several at the church and know they offer no small groups, bible studies, or women’s ministry opportunities. I want it all since I had that in my last church in Michigan. I will try to go there with an open mind and an open heart but I know I need to pray for Him to change my heart and mind to be that way; not comparing what He has brought me from to what He has brought me to. No matter what He has done for me to this point, I have still found a way to complain and drag my feet. It seems like the more I try to be LESS like Jonah, the more I follow in his footsteps. If only there was chapter 5 in Jonah so I could see what happens next and if Jonah was able to redeem himself; I like to believe that he did.

Jonah 4

“But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry. He prayed to the Lord, “O Lord, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, O Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.”

But the Lord replied, “Have you any right to be angry?”

Jonah went out and sat down at a place east of the city. There he made himself a shelter, sat in its shade and waited to see what would happen to the city. Then the Lord God provided a vine and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the vine. But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the vine so that it withered. When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah’s head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, “It would be better for me to die than to live.”

But God said to Jonah, “Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?”

“I do,” he said. “I am angry enough to die.”

But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?”

I guess I, too, have no right to be angry about the things that are happening around me but need to know that God is doing his thing and He doesn’t need me to help in any way. He has a plan for me and everything is happening for a reason. Perhaps Jesus told him I needed a lesson in humility and even my small cottage in Plymouth was bigger than I needed. Living in Nineveh in a smaller, hotter, beiger place is just what I need as my surroundings to do what He has planned for me next.

I only wish that patience was something I was better at.

“…being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” Colossians 1:11-12”

My Temporary Home

Since becoming a Christian nearly two years ago there has been a consistent theme…. Seasons. I didn’t know what people meant when they told me “it was my season” when I moved from Lake Orion to Plymouth, MI an hour away…no job and no friends in my new location; just faith that it was what Jesus wanted me to do. It was our season when I met girlfriends from a bible study where I learned to be transparent in the clumsiest of ways but it was just as He had planned it. Some of the friendships there lasted only as long as the study; others lasted a bit beyond it and were amazing and sooo filling but seemed to fade just a few months later. And then there is the friendship with Lynnette that is like no other I have ever experienced….getting even stronger as our “season” grew to one of separation when I spent six months in California.

The season spent away with family seemed longer than any other I had experienced but another that was completely necessary…my temporary home. A home my parents so willingly opened to me without hesitation; an offer that would not have been bestowed to the old me in the dark season, a very long season of my life, but for BOTH, I am grateful.

We all have temporary homes; places we stay in a while until we get to where we’re going but the beauty part is…sometimes we don’t even realize our places are temporary until we are asked to move on to somewhere else. When we moved to Plymouth nearly two years ago; we knew we were being obedient to Jesus and going…even though we weren’t sure why…we went. After getting so settled into an awesome church with ministries, bible studies, volunteering, small groups, and friends; we just knew that this is where Jesus wanted us to be. But it turns out that we didn’t know anything at all. Just like my parents gave me a temporary home in California, Jesus gave us a temporary home with just enough seasons here in Plymouth, MI. Temporary because tomorrow we move to Nineveh (aka Owasso, Oklahoma….just a short 15 hour drive). <cough>

Carrie Underwood sings about temporary homes and I love that she shares from several perspectives with all the same answers; from a boy of six years old to a single mom to an old man in a hospital bed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LraOiHUltak&ob=av2n

            Little boy, six years old

            A little to used to being alone

            Another new mom and dad, another school

            Another house that’ll never be home

            When people ask him how he likes this place

            He looks up and says with a smile upon his face

            This is my temporary home

            It’s not where I belong

            Windows and rooms that I’m passing through

            This is just a stop on the way to where I’m going

            I’m not afraid because I know

            This is my temporary home

            A young mom on her own

            She needs a little help, got no where to go

            She’s looking for a job, looking for a way out

            ‘Cause a half-way house will never be a home

            At night she whispers to her baby girl

            Someday we’ll find our place in this world     

            This is my temporary home

            It’s not where I belong

            Windows and rooms that I’m passing through

            This is just a stop on the way to where I’m going

            I’m not afraid because I know

            This is my temporary home

            Old man, hospital bed

            The room is filled with people he loves

            And he whispers, “don’t cry for me,

            I’ll see you all someday”

            He looks up and says,

            “I can see God’s face”

            This is my temporary home

            It’s not where I belong

            Windows and rooms that I’m passing through

            This is just a stop on the way to where I’m going

            I’m not afraid because I know

            This is my temporary home

Think about it….just for five minutes. We don’t know how each day will go; who we will meet or just how long they will be there. What we do know is that Jesus has a hand in it all and it for his purpose and glory.

We are moving to a new temporary home to begin another season while continuing to grow with those that choose to come with us… even if only in our hearts (and Facebook, texting, and cell phones of course).

I have lived in Plymouth in my pretty little cottage just across the street from my awesome big church with small communities but not knowing even one neighbor until a month ago. Jesus decided that even a month is long enough to be considered a season in His eyes and moved this amazing couple to our left; we struck up conversations and friendship even before they officially moved in…sharing water, gardening tools, ladders or just spending time in our adjoining driveways. We have been invited to their house with family and they have spent time with us and ours but for just a few weeks before moving on. How is this fair? I asked Jesus one day over coffee. He smiled and reminded me that we don’t have to live ten feet apart to have a relationship with them…  He bridges any gaps that we think exist. He says “You and your mom live 2500 miles apart and have never been closer.” Good point.

Don and Rosa (our neighbors) were originally from this area and moved to Chicago a few years ago for a job opportunity….happens a lot to those living in Michigan these days. Just so happens that the job he left for also came to an end and they decided to move back here to help Don’s sister with his parents. Mom was diagnosed with cancer and even though it was gone for a while; had returned and she needed help. Jesus not only knows how long our seasons or “temporary homes” need to be…He knows just how to get us there and exactly the right time to make it happen.

Where I am sad to only have this short season of a few weeks with them; the timing of their return was impeccable….of course. Don’s mom, Virginia’s, cancer came back and she is living day to day in a hospital; her husband of 66 years by her side along with other family members knowing that she is leaving this temporary home for the one we all long to get to one day.

“He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34

They say that there is a party in Heaven just waiting for us to arrive as the guest of honor. I imagine homemade signs saying “Welcome Home Virginia” scribbled across them. She will not be with those she loves here on earth but with those she loved long ago that have been waiting patiently for her; a surprise party of sorts, her eyes widening and a smile crossing her lips each time she sees another face that she recognizes.

I met Virginia and we spoke only five minutes; the shortest season I have experienced in this journey with Jesus. But He was quick to remind me that even though our season was short we already share something in Him. We both are going to leave these temporary homes to something greater and part of His plan....even though hers is so much better than mine, but who’s comparing?  =D

I love how He proves to us that there is no season too short or too long and we can never consider anything permanent where He is concerned.

A Vase of Answered Prayers

In December our family started a Prayer Vase. It was simple really; a clear glass vase, cute in shape and modest in design. The looks of the vase: unimportant. The contents of the vase: life changing.

My husband and I sat down with slips of white paper; him with his medium black pen and me with my fine point blue one…each writing our worries, concerns, wishes, and prayers on the slips of paper to return to our clear glass vase. We were to write what we couldn’t handle. Put pen to paper to things that we just had to give to Jesus because it was driving us crazy to worry about it. It didn’t matter how much we wrote…or how little. What mattered was knowing that once we wrote it out and put it into the vase… it was no longer ours to be concerned about. It was our promise to each other and to Him that we were going to trust Him with everything we put into the vase and walk away; literally.

That vase has been in the front foyer of our home since the day the idea was conceived. The reason we wanted it clear was so that each time we walked passed it, we would be reminded of all that Jesus was working on for us…and there was quite a bit. Neither of us knew what the other wrote but we had to step out and have faith in Him no matter what the slips of paper read.

“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Easier said than done…. Which is why we needed to “see” the slips of paper to at least remind us of ALL that we had given Him.

As I have mentioned in earlier posts….we are moving to Nineveh (aka Oklahoma). With moving comes the fun task of packing, cleaning, organizing, downsizing, and painting fresh walls or trim for the new tenant. When I got to the foyer this week to remove pictures, hooks, and other décor; I came to the Prayer Vase. It had to be packed in the most ginger of ways but curiosity got the best of me. I felt giddy as I knew all of the things Jesus has done for us the last six months since beginning to fill it up. I have dusted the vase and cleaned it. I have moved it from one side to the other…but I have NOT opened any of the slips of paper to remove any worries that were once so prevalent to us….until YESTERDAY.

I didn’t open the slips without my handwriting, because only Robbe could know for sure if his were no longer necessary. I was shocked to read some of the things I had given to Jesus because EVERY single one has not only been addressed…but answered.

The top of my pile simply said “Robbe Unemployed.” This is where it gets interesting.

It was a prayer I gave to him on Christmas Eve. I remember vividly as I wrote that slip of paper just minutes after Robbe got the phone call from his contract house that his position was no longer needed after the holiday. We prayed for a job…any job to support our family, to pay our bills, to put food on our table. Jesus didn’t just give him a J – O – B. He offered him an opportunity of a lifetime…in aerospace. It was a contract position for the first three months but then went direct; taking away the worry for “what happens when this one ends.”

But just as we ask for Him to answer prayers….we don’t get to tell, ask, or even suggest how they will be answered. He went above and beyond but he had to get us to Nineveh to do it. I was sad about leaving all that I had come to know in Him and where, and with whom I had come to know it….but this is His gift to us. Who in their right mind would turn away a gift in the form of answered prayer from JESUS??

The next slip of paper I unfolded from the vase said: “Alyssa issues: Not speaking and her upcoming wedding.”

At the time, Alyssa and I were going on two years of not speaking. I tried to send emails without response and just hoping she was reading them but was afraid to push too hard. I wanted it to be her decision and it had to be her time as well….or His as the case may be. She found my blog and began reading it. Soon after that, she responded to one of my emails and the rest is history. We talked via email, then texted, then called. We now speak nearly every day and she and her fiancé are coming to visit this weekend before we move.

Which brings me to my second bullet of this slip; her wedding. I prayed for her often when it came to her wedding plans. At first being selfish that I wasn’t going but then realizing it had NOTHING to do with me. I turned my prayers to her worries; people not being excited for them, coming up with the money to have the wedding she dreamed of, trying to get people to help in planning the wedding, and looking forward to being married to her best friend of three years.

In true Jesus…. “It’s no big deal, I’ll take care of this one too” fashion. He did. He was beside her as they made the decision to put it off a year and helped her to be at peace with her decision. I was able to send her wedding planning books and since we have been chatting, the wedding is definitely something we like to share; planning centerpieces, talking about the dress, colors, reception or anything weddings. Even though there are miles between us…there is no longer the chasm there was just six months ago before asking Him to get involved.

The next slips of paper said: “Emotional stress with Baby. Tense relationship.”  And “Baby moving back to California….Jesus be with her.”

You guessed it. Handled. Our tense relationship was even more tense when she decided to move but within a few months she was coming to rely on me and my advice and wanted me there for support in any way I could give it. She moved to California but by April was on a plane home…Jesus with his backpack in the seat beside her. Now we have a great relationship (although having tense moments) but I always know it gets taken care of when I let him do the caring.

Anja was the topic of the next slip: “Roommate trouble. Money drama. Partying too much.”

Not sure how to sum up this one…other than to say it is a work in progress. But having seen the answered prayers on slips of paper before and after this one…I know it is one He is working on and I don’t get to put a time constraint on it. She no longer has the roommate drama; moving to a new place with new people this weekend, but the money issues and the concern I have about her partying too much still weigh heavily on my mind. Not as heavily as they would if He weren’t in the picture but they are still daily prayers I give to him and know that he smiles and says “I got this. Just give me the time and I will give you the results you are looking for.”

When I pulled the last two slips of paper, the hair on my arms tickled and a tear escaped me because He answered them but not in the way I had hoped or even “planned” as I scribbled them. “She Speaks conference” and “Show me the purpose you have for me….where you lead me, I will go.”

I was excited to begin planning for the She Speaks conference with Lynnette in July. We were writing, blogging, sharing, and planning outfits months in advance. Talking about the weekend at length and just how much we were going to get out of it… not to mention all that we could accomplish when we returned. Hence….the second slip of paper. I wanted him to guide me to She Speaks and then show me his purpose with information received there….leading me with tools, resources, and friendships gotten from the conference I just KNEW He wanted me to attend.

He answered this prayer but definitely NOT in the way I had secretly hoped or even alluded to when writing them down. The She Speaks conference happened just this past weekend….with Lynnette going and me at home. She was filled to overflowing and I prayed for her each time she came into my thoughts; which was often. Jesus knew that it was a field trip He wanted to take with just her this time.

(He and I have one planned in the way of a road trip to Nineveh next week but this was hers.)

He will get me to She Speaks next year…I just know it. But He let me have a little taste of it this year in just preparing for the conference by writing and sharing with Lynnette. Jesus is showing the purpose he has for me and, as promised, is leading me somewhere I have to follow. Not to North Carolina as I was hoping and just for a weekend….but to Nineveh….and permanently.

It is amazing to see these prayers answered no matter how He answered them. The worries I gave to him in the last six months have been effortless and just proof that no matter what I give to him….he can handle; doing a much better job of it than I ever could.

I haven’t written a blog in a month. Truthfully…. I haven’t been opening my bible as much as I need to either just because it has been hard to hear what He has to say lately. I am moving away from everything I thought He wanted for me; a great church, a best friend, a cozy cottage. But, just like he did for Jonah… I am moving forward and doing exactly what He wants me to do to the people He wants me to do it for. In my Life Application Study Bible that I had to unpack from a box in the garage to write this blog…  it says:

“Although the prophet Jonah tried to run away from God, God was in control. By controlling the stormy seas and great fish, God displayed his absolute, yet loving guidance.”

Ouch….

See? That is WHY I was “running away” by not reading my bible much. God was in control. God displayed his absolute, yet loving guidance.

But it goes on to say….

“Rather than running from God, trust him with your past, present, and future. Saying no to God quickly leads to disaster. Saying yes brings new understanding of God and his purpose to the world.”

Guess, just like Anja’s slips of paper…my last slip is also a work in progress. I am now saying yes to moving to Nineveh. Not just the “being obedient” yes but the Yes He has been wanting to hear. I trust him with my past, present, and future and know that moving to Nineveh was part of His plan all along and it was never supposed to stop in Plymouth, Michigan where I got so comfortable.

“Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time. “Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give to you. Jonah obeyed the word of the Lord and went to Nineveh.” Jonah 3:1-3