Have A Little Faith

It is a book title, a song, a statement from a friend, and a feeling we wish we had. Have a little faith….easier said than done but it CAN be done; can’t it?

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while… “He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.” But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.” Hebrews 10:35-39

Yes…easier said than done. I know what I need to do and I know what God expects of me. I don’t want to be one “who shrinks back and is destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.” I was saved and know that I will be “richly rewarded.” I know I “need to persevere so that when I have done the will of God, I will receive what he has promised.” But, just like I knew to right from wrong and made the wrong decisions anyway; because they were easier or more fun…I find myself wondering if wanting to have faith is enough. I know it isn’t.

I have faith most of the time and am full of faith when speaking to others; except Lynnette. She knows my wavering even before I utter a sound…just as Jesus does. He knows my heart. He knows that I want to be the most faithful of his servants and I KNOW that he always comes through. Just from the sheer fact of all that he has gotten us through in the past year alone. I didn’t know the ending in any of those scenarios and yet they always came through for his purpose. My knowing the outcome was not even an option. When I try to get it out of him over coffee, he just leans forward in his chair and looks at me over his cup with a smile; “You’ll see. I promise you it will be great even if you don’t understand it straight away.”

James was the half brother to Jesus and was a skeptic his entire life; not becoming a believer or follower of Jesus until after he died was resurrected. Boy…did he have some advice to share after that realization. He knew that it was easy to say one thing and act in an entirely different manner and tackled the issues in his letter to the followers of Jesus; challenging his readers to examine both their beliefs and their actions. He goes beyond telling them what a Christian should do, however. Instead he shows them, illustrating with verbal pictures and vivid details, what a life transformed by Jesus looks like because it was a transformation he knew firsthand…after the fact.

The book of James is often categorized as wisdom literature – the “Proverbs” of the New Testament. His advice is extremely practical. It’s the kind of teaching we can read and then clearly (or not so clearly) see how it should play out in our own lives. But, it is also difficult. Knowing what to do and doing it are two different things, and James clearly understands that.

I grew up comparing myself to everyone; my mom and sisters, friends and schoolmates; coworkers and neighbors, and even women at my church when I got the guts to get into a bible study. I saw something in all of them I wanted; sometimes good and sometimes not so good. I was always imagining that someone had it better or easier than I did and even though it may not have been the case, I wondered what they had done to deserve such favor.

Can you imagine how it must have been to be the brother of Jesus? How about not being a follower or believer of him until he had already been put to death on a cross and raised from the dead…? I can think of many instances that I figured something out…but a little too late. I even thought that finding the relationship with Jesus came too late but then I realized you can’t be too late, too old, or too bad and I am thankful to have transformed my life and offer what advice I can to others; even if it is not advice but simply being transparent in my life and the relationship I have with Jesus; which leads me to the topic of faith and being honest about where I am in my life and walk with him now.

I have faith. I do. Really.

I know there is no situation that I have gone through, am going through now, or will go through…that Jesus won’t be by my side. He has proven that time and again in the past year, and more especially, in the past six months.

However, in reading James, I am reminded:

“Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” James 5:13-16

“My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover a multitude of sins.”  James 5:19-20

He is asking if anyone is in trouble or happy or sick or has sinned or wandered from the truth. How would we know if any of our friends were going through this if they did not confess their sins to each other and ask for prayer from each other?

I have been home for nearly two weeks after being in California for six months. All of my friends are happy for me to be back and glad for my family and being reunited with my husband. They have breathed a sigh of relief for me to be able to begin anew and have a fresh start and are glad to see what Jesus has brought me through and to be a part of it.

But…

What they do not know is everything that He continues to get me through and why I am now trying not just say have faith; but truly practice it and live it in “real life.”

No, I am not sick or in trouble; I haven’t wandered from the truth and I haven’t sinned…. and I am very happy. But… things aren’t the peachy life that people may think we have. Despite that; I say again as I have in past entries….Jesus never said it would be easy but he did promise he would never leave us.

That being said; I begin my confession of what we need prayer for and reminders to live in faith because …. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

My husband has been married four times before me and his most recent ex-wife took him to court last week and wants him to settle a very large tax debt on his own and pay her back more than a little bit; that the government took from her tax return. They go back to court in March and if things are not settled or agreed upon in some way, he will be charged in contempt of court and we must pray for lenience from the judge to be penalized and not jailed.

My husband worked for Chrysler for 20 years and was part of the fallout that ensued in economic unrest. He was unemployed for 17months before moving to Plymouth, MI and found a contract position within a week. It was to be a two year assignment but lasted only three months. He was then out of work just a week before getting the assignment he is currently working at; we were thankful. It was a six month contract position that we had hoped would turn into a permanent offer but that was not to be the case. His contract ends on the 21^st of this month. He has spoken to his supervisor and the contractor that placed him there, and neither has given any indication that his contract will be extended after that date. They gave the standard “We know this isn’t what you wanted to hear but we have no real answer for you at this point and we will let you know as soon as we can; hopefully before that date is up.”

I have been collecting unemployment for just over a year and the benefits are due to expire on the 29^th of this month, with the government undecided as to whether or not it will help the millions of unemployed throughout our nation. Each day I pray and then seek out any news on the yo-yo political decisions that are being made on my behalf.

My youngest daughter bought a used car and has only been driving it about two weeks. When my husband went to look at it the first time; he went to a house that was in complete disarray, the man selling it newly divorced and in the process of having his house foreclosed on. We agreed to purchase and went back the following week…the house now empty aside from a few personal items that remained but packed up quickly. He is now nowhere to be found and not answering his phone…conveniently as the car is experiencing serious overheating issues that we are now having to deal with in order to allow my daughter to get to her job so she can move into a place of her own by February.

My middle daughter was to be coming home for Christmas after nearly two years of being distant but is having car troubles of her own that make it impossible and unsafe for her travel the nine hours from Wisconsin to Michigan. She is having struggles of her own financially but we are doing what we can to help her.

My oldest daughter is getting married in May and has still not reached out to invite us to the wedding and has had my friend request awaiting confirmation since August.

Okay…. I think that about covers it.

Yes, I am home and happy to be here. I have much going on in my life and I know that He is with me. I have faith but am I living faithfully?

I have to be honest and say not as faithfully as I need to be. But as I went to my concordance and bible today to look for answers and messages to “get my spiritual mojo back” I found it quickly by none other than Paul; my fave apostle.

“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation – if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which, I, Paul, have become a servant.”  Colossians 2:21-23

How can I not only have faith, but live faithfully, when Paul says simply:

“He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” Colossians 1:17

Enough said!!

If I could wink, I would…and say simply in return:

“Thanks Paul. I knew you would snap me out of it. Ciao for now.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAWhSIH2d5c

A Weekend of Firsts and Confirmations; Glory of Christmas and Family

I have been home a week and it has been amazing. I have kept busy with Lylas and lunches, cleaning and decorating, missing my mom and dad, and reconnecting with the family I left behind for 184 days.

My husband told me he changed while we are apart and hoped I saw it when I returned; it has been hard to miss. He goes to a Men’s Only small group, is part of the Building Ministry of our church, attends a Couples’ small group with me every other Friday, and has worked extremely hard alongside others of the stage crew for the 19^th running of the Glory of Christmas production at a church we call home in Northrdige Church.

Having moved to Plymouth just three months before heading to California for the next six months, did not leave much time to interact with Robbe’s (my husband) family. We have been married just over a year and they didn’t attend the wedding. Not that they weren’t invited but they chose not to come…having been to four others before ours. Yes; my husband has four ex-wives and his family had attended and befriended them all. I guess it was only fair that at some point, they had to say “We’re done.” I took it personally for a while even though I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t about me…but didn’t believe it. I tried to put myself in their shoes but couldn’t. What must it be like to pray for peace and happiness for their son and brother only to have it fail after three, five, ten, or eleven years respectively? To them, I was just the next wife in a line of many. I wanted them to see me as Jesus did; transformed and forgiven of my past… just as Robbe was transformed and forgiven of his. I wanted them to see me not as the next wife, but the last wife; the one that Jesus handpicked for Robbe to live the life we were both meant to live.

I am thrilled that before I went to California, we were able to invite them to our church for the Easter program….that not surprisingly but very appropriately was “The Prodigal Son.” It was amazing to share and I truly believe was the beginning of the familial relationship I hoped for with his family. We even went to dinner afterwards where we were joined by his sister’s daughters, husbands and grandson. I got to sit next to Robbe’s mom during the show as well as dinner and it was effortless to chat with her and feel a welcoming I longed for.

It was great to share the invitation to our church again this past weekend for another Christ centered holiday; the Glory of Christmas. With Robbe being on the Building Ministry team as well as the stage crew for the performances, it has been difficult to keep him quiet and not tell us what to expect. But for that… I am grateful.

As the clock counted down to the beginning of the show and Robbe sat beside me, seeing the show from this side of the stage for the first time, I was excited to be a part of what I knew would be life changing for so many that filled our sanctuary; including those that call Northridge Church our home.

The program began with a choir and traditional Christmas Carols, a scene with a snow globe and soldier, a visit from Santa Claus, and the turning point to the program when a little girl sang “Happy Birthday Jesus” and presented a gift to a baby in a manger at the front of the stage. Act One ended with a rendition of “Little Drummer Boy” that would look out of place anywhere other than Northridge Church as it was done completely without music and only sounds beat boxed behind two singers and a choir that accompanied them; a video screen of a desert and ‘little drummer boy’ playing throughout. I looked beside me to my in-laws to gauge their reactions and they were as entranced as I was as I breathed a sigh of relief.

At the intermission, we talked about my experience as a Lotion Lady and my mother in law even joked about wanting to get to the Ladies Room to experience it for herself. She went but wasn’t able to get in on the lotion action because there was a line to receive it. I thought it was a nice gesture and was thankful to have something to chat about while letting her know a bit about me and my relationship with Jesus. I would love to include her and my sister in law in a bible study through our church one day or invite them to a Women’s event but I am happy to share in these holidays with them until I get the nerve to step out of my comfort zone a little bit more. They have been receptive to my ministry and love the bible covers I have made for them and I look forward to getting to know them better.

Act two began as the curtain came up; the theme music from Law and Order being played by the orchestra. The stage was set up as a courtroom; a local attorney trying to get his name on the map by suing the City to remove a nativity scene from a local park. The title of this year’s production was “Night at the Nativity.” It is a take on the movie “Night at the Museum” where Ben Stiller plays a new night security guard and all of the exhibits come to life causing mayhem that he needs to account for and no one believes. The entire show was based on David, the attorney, visiting the nativity scene in question and experiencing the true meaning of its purpose; even his co-counsel telling him that he likes seeing the nativity scene because it reminds him of the true meaning of Christmas and takes him back to reliving the whole story of the birth of Jesus.

Our story was more than characters coming to life and did not stop with Jesus in a manger. In fact…our pastor was there to remind us that Christmas starts at the manger but it surely doesn’t end there. The whole reason that Christ was born that day in Bethlehem was to die on a cross for our sins; being the ultimate proof that God loved us by sending his only son to rescue us from ourselves, our sin, and our failure….that now, does not have to be final.

The First Noel was belted out by an unassuming woman to the left of the stage as the angels came to life and swayed from the rafters of our sanctuary, danced on the stage, and sang from the nativity turned night sky filled with stars and angels to welcome him. The stage was filled with shepherds and peasants walking the aisles to the stage as someone plainly and simply sang Silent Night; candles in their hands matching those held by the choir also wearing unassuming costumes to keep the focus from them and onto what was happening on the stage.

But the highlight of the show for me is what came next. This is only my second Christmas as a Christian so I don’t have many Christmas Concerts to compare it to but I cannot imagine anything better than the performance of “Healing is in Your Hands”. An angel was telling our attorney friend David that the manger was just the beginning. It was the beginning of a life of a human that accomplished what no other man has ever done; who grew up to do amazing things. For just as long as it took to sing the song, the audience was walked through the miracles performed by Jesus; from helping a woman to see, a man to walk, bringing a daughter back to life. I cried as I stared and completely forgot where I was; feeling like the stories of the bible were truly coming to life on a stage before me, shared with my family. I literally sat on the edge of my seat trying to get closer, afraid to miss a thing.

Another compelling scene to follow was of Christ on a cross; bloody and beaten but barely visible…showing only as the lights of the sanctuary flickered with sounds of thunder and flashes of lightning, emulating the earthquake and eclipse when Jesus took his final breaths; David on his knees as the choir sang “Forgiveness” behind him.

The stage curtain closes and our Senior Pastor makes his way to center stage. He tells of his story being similar to David’s; a skeptic of sorts, thinking that Christianity was some kind of angle growing up. It was only when he came across people that were truly transformed and giving Jesus all of the credit that he began to think a transformed life could be possible for himself as well. I cried….being one of the transformed that wants to show others what Jesus has done for me. I looked around the room that now held 3,000 of my closest friends and hoped that others would answer the call to have their own relationship with Jesus. Our pastor told us that we have all sinned and fall short but failure is never final and it is by His grace we are saved. He mentioned Ephesians which immediately piqued my interest since it was written by Paul to all followers of Jesus but originally written to the church of Ephesus. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

Tears again came to my eyes as I wondered and prayed with our pastor as he asked those in the audience to begin their own relationship with Jesus. Could I possibly be one of the transformed people that helped others make that decision? When I was in California, there were 15 women that made that decision. I do not know where they are in their walk now but I pray for them often. I know that it is impossible to show all that Jesus has done for me without sharing the bad that I was brought from. Did Jesus put me there for a

…time such as this?

A Weekend of Firsts and Confirmations; A Lady in Waiting....with Lotion

This weekend has been one of firsts and confirmations that could not go without sharing. As part of my “Operation Get Out Of Comfort Zone” I volunteered, as did others I know, to be a part of the Glory of Christmas show at our church. No…I did not sing in the choir, or act in a skit. I was not part of the stage crew, nor did I help make any of the costumes (yet…. but I hope to next year). I volunteered to be a “Lady in Waiting….with Lotion.” Not having been to a Glory of Christmas before, I wasn’t entirely sure what this job entailed but signed up nonetheless. The job description: sit in a chair posted in the ladies room with lotion at the ready; greet women with a smile, ask them if they would like lotion after washing their hands, and wish them a great rest of the evening…. and enjoy the show.

I signed up and then I second guessed myself; even wondering if I could somehow get out of it. I was excited about it until I told others what I was doing. As I reiterated what I had signed up for, it sounded creepy and not having been to a show before, I had to wonder if anyone would even want the lotion I would be offering. I looked at it as an opportunity to serve my church, my God, and to prove to myself that this wasn’t about me or my comfort zone but to make the Glory of Christmas experience a special one for others that were attending for their first time….. or twentieth. Our church hosts this production for those that don’t have a relationship with Jesus. Sure, it’s a great reminder for those of us that attend Northridge and are members; and it is a great time for fellowship with others in our congregation. But… our church goes to the length it does to speak to those in our community that don’t know Him as we do; their entire experience beginning with the invitation and all the way through the prayer to accept their own relationship with Him, followed by another invitation to visit our church family.

I dressed in jeans with a sweater and donned my fave new cross necklace. After I was ready to head to church; I prayed. “Jesus, please be with me as I go to serve you. Give me patience and strength. Allow me to be the smile with the dollop of lotion to prepare them to hear the message our church will be performing for them. Reach into the heart of everyone ready to receive you. All I want this year for Christmas; is for everyone to have the feeling that you have given to me…one of forgiveness and grace; a gift I didn’t earn and don’t deserve…a life transformed by your love for me. I want them to see you as I see you and know you for the Savior you are. Amen.”

I checked into church and was escorted to the balcony restroom on the second floor. Kate showed me my new post and told me where to find my selection of lotions; the rest of the instructions were simply to smile, offer them lotion, and show them warmth and welcome to our church…enjoy the show.

The first few women were quick to say “No, thank you.” The couple that followed them smiled but tried to hide their embarrassment at having been asked. A mother and daughter came next and even though the daughter looked interested, mom said “Thank you, but we put lotion on before leaving the house tonight.” Needless to say my hopes were quickly dashing and I asked Jesus in our silence together; “Jesus, is this what is what like for you? Did I tell you no every time you offered that relationship with you? Did I come up with many ways to turn down what you so freely offered? I’m sorry it took me so long to figure out what you were saying all along. I only hope these women see the relationship you offer while viewing the show our church has put on to show them.”

But as showtime neared, the ladies room filled, and my offer of lotion was more widely received. A girl about six or seven waited for her mom and loved the smell of the Snow Kissed Berry lotion; wiping it in and then asking for more when it disappeared into her skin. Mom came out and said “Yes, I needed some lotion…thank you.” And then another and another followed her lead. I giggled to myself as I thought of the scripture in Isaiah 11:6 “.…and a child shall lead them.” When the show began and the wave had passed, leaving Jesus and I alone for a bit, I teared up. I whispered to myself “Jesus, it was just like me wasn’t it? I told you “No” so many times, in so many different ways, but just like the little girl that couldn’t get enough…I feel that way with you. I love to drink you in as she accepted the lotion. I love to smile and share my love for you as she smelled her hands over and over, telling mom that she needed some too. Thank you for not giving up on me and transforming me into awestruck wonder, wanting to be a cheerleader for you for others to see what you are capable of when you let them.”

I left that Ladies Room with a feeling of purpose; doing my part as the parking lot team, ushers, stage crew, cast, musicians, and leaders did theirs. We all set the stage for our community to enjoy and learn more of Him with hopes and prayers that just one would accept their own relationship with Jesus this Christmas season and beyond. I walked across the parking lot with a skip in my step and thought “…you may have been chosen for a time such as this.” Esther 4:14. Quite comical to think that Jesus rescued me and transformed my life “for a time such as this” but I do believe it is all part of the plan He has for me and I am glad I began this weekend of “Operation Get Out Of Comfort Zone” in the Ladies Room of Northridge Church.

….for a time such as this.

Potluck of Friends

Potluck equals many friends getting together, each bringing a different dish; some specializing in desserts, others in salads or soups. Apparently it has been some time since I have been to a potluck since hummus is now a crowd pleaser. Lynnette loves it. Her kids love it. I feel horrible that I mentioned my disdain for the smashed chickpea delicacy because she changed her mind to make a soup the morning of our lunch… in addition to the hummus that, by the way, was a huge hit. I am a picky eater but have definitely come a long way from the way my eating patterns used to be. I surprised myself by eating Kerri’s spinach strawberry salad and Echo’s pulled pork sandwiches on  homemade buns; yummy. I don’t typically enjoy potlucks because I am such a picky eater and never know what is in something and am too embarrassed to ask anyone; “Excuse me….did you make this? Um, what is this and what’s in it? Do you think I would like it?” I am a creature of habit and find myself eating the same twenty things I have eaten for the last twenty years; still using the old “I don’t like it” response even if I have never tried something. (Although…for the record, I have actually tried hummus and didn’t like it).

Sadly, my fear of stepping out of the box isn’t limited to food. I used to fear the unknown or rejection. I guess I still do but now I have a lot less anxiety about it. It is a running joke that the relationship I have with Jesus is truly like a child having an imaginary friend. When I find myself in an awkward situation I literally pray under my breath. When I pray it is really a conversation I have with Jesus more than an “official prayer.” The bracelets that once sported W.W.J.D are definitely something I live by. “What Would Jesus Do?” Hmmm….. He probably would have eaten the hummus; especially hummus made by one of your best friends at a lunch commemorating your Homecoming. Jesus was quick to remind me that that the potluck among friends was truly about Him and all that happened in the last six months because of his plan. The food and who brought what; what was in each menu item….all secondary. As I sat at the dining room table surrounded by friends and dinner and dessert items aplenty; I exhaled. I remembered a time when I only dreamed of being in a room with my friends again. I remember chatting with Jesus and wondering what it would be like; to tell the story of what he and I had been through; to share the ups and the downs of the last six months. It was completely surreal to sit amongst them and be able to tell “our” story instead of living it… scary, lonely, sad, hopeful, anxious, excited, and expectant.

With each story told, I could see the face of each woman I met and either impacted or was impacted by; some not speaking any English or just choosing not to speak; fear of offending someone. Other women that crossed my path were extremely remorseful for their actions while others were just doing their time and waiting to get out and reoffend, but being careful not to get caught this time. As I sat in a suburban dining room surrounded by friends, I remembered a time I sat around a different dining table surrounded by an entirely different set of women; Jesus with me on both occasions and being completely comfortable in either. As my friends asked about specifics of the women I met, I was sad. I wondered where they were as I dined with my closest of friends. Some of those women accepted their own relationship with Jesus while I was with them. Were they still living with him? Had they kept the bible or books I gave to them? Did they remember me as I sat and remembered them?

I haven’t been one to like potlucks and others embrace them. But… when I was in California I made a commitment to change things a bit and get out of my comfort zone; Lynnette and Linda planning this lunch was only the beginning and I now have a whole new respect for potlucks; the friendship…the fellowship....the food; in that order. Each woman was as individual as the dishes they brought; not like the sayings of “you are what you eat” or “pets resembling their owners” because Lynnette is much cuter than the hummus she brought….as well as the soup. But individuals just as God made us; each with a different purpose and plan that only He knows.

I am thankful for the changes I have experienced and look forward to more potlucks; literally and metaphorically speaking. I love the opportunities that Christ puts before me and feel more than blessed at the people he continually surrounds me with. I can't help but giggle and wonder if the Last Supper was a potluck. I am certain that no one was wondering who brought what and what was in each dish; but instead understood the magnitude of breaking bread with their closest of friends and enjoying what each had to offer….before, during, and after. 

Taking the Scenic Route....Again (Gidget's Journey Home.....Part 2)

Super excited to land twenty minutes early on the flight from Santa Barbara to Denver. But, that would be too easy. As the plane taxi’d into the gate, I was excited to text Lylas, hubby, Baby, and Mom; I was now halfway home. My angst in only having forty minutes to rush from one part of the airport to another to catch my connecting flight was lifted and it was off to find my departing gate number.

I was texting and walking at the same time; because I am the ultimate multi tasker, and I realized I overshot the Departure/Arrival boards that inform the passengers where to catch their flight and give us a status of whether or not those flights were on time. I was quick to retrace my steps, looked up Detroit under departures and noticed “Gate C39”. Being in Concourse A, I began traveling in the general direction of everyone else until I found signs directing us like lemmings to the train that would take us to Baggage Claim terminals and Concourses B & C. Whew…. I thought, “Thank God our plane arrived forty minutes earlier than expected or I NEVER would have made my flight on time.” As I was virtually patting myself on the back (not giving you know who any credit), I proceeded to find the plane while walking on the traveling walkway, two escalators, and the train. I couldn’t believe how big this airport was and getting bigger by the moment.

I was happy to apparently get on the right train, find more escalators going up to the Concourse for Detroit, and then the gate…being the last in its row; but I made it with seamless ease and even had time to sit for a bit, sliding my feet out of my shoes…showing everyone my very fashionable toe socks with snowflakes on the tops and each toe sporting a different color. If nothing else, it made people smile for a brief second and I was happy to accommodate; luckily finding a seat that had an empty beside it; Jesus didn’t have any carry-on bags but still needs his own seat ya know.

I was still texting “my peeps” and even talked with Baby for a bit. Was thrilled that I had time to relax a bit and not be rushed as I got ready for my connecting flight home. I joked with mom that with all of the detours and modes of transportation I had to take to get where I was now sitting… was just like my journey to find Jesus; or finally admit he was there all along and finally stop all the running around and say “Okay, okay… I give in. I need you more than I thought I did and can’t do this on my own anymore.” I took detours and was distracted more than I care to admit but I got there; just like finding Concourse C.

(Yummy…. Flight attendant just brought another chocolate chip cookie. Excited to just eat it and no longer worry about staying neat since the last flight pretty much cinched that detail…..P.S. the middle seat next to me is empty. Just a coincidence? I don’t think so.  Lynnette…. I laugh as I think of Cardboard Jesus video on YouTube right now).

As the flight attendant prepared us for boarding, everyone moved to a line that corresponded with their seats on the plane; I followed suit. Funny….we didn’t do that on the last leg but; different airport, different protocol I suppose. I stood in where I thought I should be lined up and asked someone “Are we to be standing in correspondence to where our seats are on the plane?” She said “Yes” with a smile. Another woman asked what my seat number was and I told her. Her husband told me that I should be in the section ahead of them but I wasn’t sure. They took turns looking at my boarding pass until they realized… “Honey, this plane is going to Detroit but you aren’t on it.”

Um….. “I’m not? But Detroit is where I’m headed and it is nearly 7:10.”

“Yes…. But you are flying on Frontier and this is Southwest. You need to go to Concourse A.”

Sheepishly…. “Thank you. I guess I better run.” So, I slipped out of my slip on shoes, grabbed my entirely too full and too heavy pink laptop bag and matching pink purse (also too big and too full) and me and Jesus headed back to where we came from.

I couldn’t believe it. I had just taken two escalators, a traveling walkway, and a train through two concourses….to get TO THE WRONG CONCOURSE. Not just the wrong one but the one FURTHEST from where I was supposed to be; the Concourse I JUST LANDED AT. And now… me and Jesus have to beat feet to catch a train, a traveling walkway and two escalators to catch a flight that was leaving in fifteen minutes. Thankfully Jesus isn’t the “I told you so” kind and was just sitting beside me trying not to laugh; but he knew what was coming next…. I did not have that luxury.

As I climbed the second escalator, I phoned mom to let her in on this comedy of errors but only funny until I miss my flight… “T” minus 12 minutes; she said she would be praying like crazy, of which I had no doubt. 

Insert chunky redhead in crazy toe socks; shoes in hand, big pink bags swinging wildly, wearing a fleece lined winter coat (of course). Definite second thoughts about my decision to pretend the last two weeks with mom were a holiday and the treadmill in the garage was now a place to hang laundry and NOT work out on. Jesus isn’t breaking a sweat but I am miserable…but determined.

We made the train, crossed the traveling walkways, and literally climbed up the escalators trying to make up any time we could. I rounded the corner and the passengers for my section of the CORRECT flight were just boarding. Trying not to breathe too hard but stand there in my best “What are you looking at?” pose, I waited for a few others to go in front of me and casually dropped into line; the right one.

Note to self from previous blog entry: The pilot passed me as I waited to board. He looked alert and carried a pink lemonade. He didn’t smile but he didn’t look like he was in a bad mood either. Looked like a nice guy but definitely not enough information to trust my life to him; yet I followed everyone else to take my seat….getting one step closer to home.

I am thrilled to say that I made the flight home and with no less fanfare than expected. I can only imagine the entertainment value I added in Heaven tonight.

I am certain there was extra popcorn being passed around and Timothy saying to Paul…

“Did that just happen?” 

Paul’s response: “Yep… you CAN’T be surprised at this turn of events. This is EXACTLY how she was meant to start the rest of her life; multi-tasking, crazy, disoriented, happy, hopeful, sharing with her mommy and Lylas….and Jesus right by her side the whole way; not missing a colorful sock filled step.

"Jesus....Can I Have Your Cookie?" (Gidget's Journey Home.....Part 1)

As I checked in my luggage and proceeded to the infamous security scan; I overheard people that were also preparing to board the flight for Denver…some flying on to other locations; Detroit with me, or staying in Denver as their final destination. They were talking about the mundane or about returning to college after their extended Thanksgiving break; others sharing business information, and some….like me, just going home and not speaking to anyone. Sure, there was the underlying tension of security as people expected the hype that has been shown on the news for weeks; but this was Santa Barbara and there was not much more than the metal detector/scanner and x-ray machines for our carry-on bags; no pat downs, no human heat activated scanners that left little to the imagination, and not ONE rude security agent.

But as I sat there listening to various conversations going on around me, there was not one mention of the pilot, or the co-pilot for that matter. No one was talking about the flight attendants or the guys that checked our luggage or those that would load it into the underbelly of the plane.

The reason I focused on this today was because it was truly the first time I put all of the pieces together and I literally smiled and began to tear up. Sure…to those around me I could easily answer the question; if it came up. “Why was I crying?” I was sad to leave my parents at the boarding gate or happy to see my husband and daughter after so much time and distance between us. But the reason I cry, even now as I type from seat 17A, is because myself and 118 of my “closest friends” are on a plane flown by a man, or team of men, that we will never see. We sit in our seats, “buckled in for safety” and have faith that they will get us to our destination; either to Denver or to catch other flights to connecting cities. We trust them literally ….. with our lives yet we have no idea who they are, what their qualifications may be, if they had a fight with someone and are in a bad mood, or if they are Christians and have a relationship with Jesus like I do.

There are people out there that can’t (or won’t) believe what the bible tells us; the proof that God is and always has been there for us with our best interest at heart. They question our unwavering faith when we have 66 books to reference from. They doubt that “He is real” or could ever forgive them for their past and they don’t have faith that He can get them through anything and will never give them more than they can handle.

Yet… there are 119 of us on board, not including the “in flight” staff that have ALL put our faith in man. A man we don’t know and have no proof or history of what he is capable of. But no one is sitting in their seats worrying about what happens next; they “just know” that the Frontier Airlines flight #1082 will land at 6:22pm local time and the weather is 52 and cloudy.

I look around and wonder what each passenger’s story is; are we what we appear to be?

In the seat to my right is a man in his 70s; plaid shirt, worn jeans, and a cowboy hat tucked under the seat in front of him. Is he saved? Does he have a relationship with Jesus? I would like to think I would strike up a conversation with him about it…but he is sleeping. Whew…. If he wakes and asks me; I’m all over it….I think. How many times has he flown? Does he ever wonder who is in the cockpit getting him from Point A to Point B?

Taking up two rows in the seats ahead of me are 7 people traveling together. They look to be a combination of two families, dropping one back at college and stretching it into a holiday of their own in Denver. I hope they weren’t looking to be skiing this week as it is unseasonably warm (which I am thankful for since a snow delay is out of the question). The “mom” wears a small cross around her neck and she smiles at me, as she passes me down the aisle. It warms my heart to see a symbol of Him and I hope it is to show her belief and not a fashion statement. Does she pray for those on this flight as I do; for their safety to where they are going and to give them strength whatever their story?

(Ugh…. Thankfully Jesus loves me just the way I am because I just looked down to see several chocolate chips from my free cookie lying on my white tshirt beneath my grey sweater. When I tried to gently lift them off, they smeared into a melted mess. I tried to pull the tee down further to hide beneath my v-neck and then noticed another errant chip on the outside of the sweater. Crap. I can imagine the first embrace with my husband now at baggage claim…. “Hi honey. I haven’t seen you in six months and now I am a melted chocolate mess. Miss me?”). 

I digress…..

Since becoming a Christian everything just seems so “natural” to me. It is so easy for me to believe all that He says. It is like I have known him all my life and not only accept what happens to me; I expect it…good and bad. But no matter what the scenario, I know He is with me. I even imagine him in the empty seat next to me. (I wonder what would happen if I told the flight attendant that Jesus wants a cookie and he said I could have it…. and oh yeah, he said I should get some extra napkins to fashion a makeshift bib).

I am elated to be going home after such a long time but there will even be unrest tomorrow when I go back to “real life.” I don’t worry about it because “he never gives me more than I can handle.” (Guess he really trusts me….almost as much as my “friends” aboard this plane trust our pilot). I just want everyone to have what I have; which is funny if you think about it. I was always stingy in my past and wanted to be unique; the only one with THAT Coach bag or the biggest, boldest, only redhead in the crowd. Now, I want everyone to ask about what I have or why I am in the mood I am in so I can share with them. Sometimes I am even bold enough to speak first and offer what I have before they can even question me.

This is probably THE most random blog entry to date but I can’t guarantee it will be the most random one I ever put out there. Sorry… it was just where my head was at and He told me to put it out there. I mean; this IS a journal of MY journey, right?  =)

How could so many passengers trust a pilot so blindly but question the relationship we have with Christ? Maybe these people wouldn’t. Maybe they each have their own relationship and are wondering the very same thing. We are all passengers on a journey somewhere throughout our lives but who’s driving (or flying) you to the destination? Is he some nameless, faceless guy in a cockpit hiding behind a microphone like the Wizard of Oz?

Or…

Is he your best friend? Could you walk up and open the cockpit doors and sit next to him if you wanted to? Could you share anything with him and know that he would love you anyway; even covered in chocolate chip cookie. Would he give you his cookie if you asked for it? Would you have to ask for it?

Yeah… that is how I see Jesus. I know that the pilot getting me home today isn’t some nameless faceless guy but Jesus working through him. I don’t have faith in a “man” to get me home today; I have faith in Jesus to get me there and anywhere else we decide to go.

And the answer: He would give you his cookie without you having to ask for it. I got another one and so far…it is not anywhere other than my mouth. But, just like Jesus, I know that my husband loves me just the way I am too; covered in chocolate chip cookie or not.

Thank God!!

My Exodus

It is hard to believe it is the Eve of “My Exodus.” It has taken 184 days to get here but I have never had more peace than I do at this moment. I know that the time I have spent away from my husband, my daughters, my Lylas, and my church has all been part of a greater plan… of which I haven’t been let in on yet.

Although I have been separated from those I love very much; I have been given an amazing opportunity to reconnect with others I love as well; my parents, my grandfather and my sisters and their families. There were twelve years between visits and nearly two years between any contact whatsoever; letters, phone calls, or emails. Definitely not something I am proud of and I admit it with a heavy heart. But…if you would have told me that two years ago I would have had opportunities that I have been given, I wouldn’t have believed one of them, let alone the dozens of things that He has made possible.

There is no more wonderful word than 'grace'. "It means unmerited favor or kindness shown  to one who is utterly undeserving...It is not merely a free gift, but a free gift to those who deserve the exact opposite, and it is given to us while we are 'without hope and without God in the world.'" - David Jeremiah "Captured by Grace.

I was, and still am, utterly undeserving. I have not been given “merely a free gift” but many; and it all started when I was “without hope and without God in my world.” And the gifts didn’t stop coming but only got better when I did accept that relationship and knew that not only was there a God in the world but he was my God; a God of second chances; a God that looks for the lost; a God that gave His only son for us so that we can be forgiven of our sins and have the opportunities that I have experienced in the last two years….and these last six months.

I have been sad to be apart from all that I love in Michigan and I know that life hasn’t been easy for them. But even that has been part of God’s plan and we are all understanding of that, even if it has been tough. The time spent with my parents has been indescribable; better than any week long vacation could ever capture. They welcomed me home with open arms; first figuratively a year ago, and then physically just six months ago. My mom and I spent nearly every hour together while I was home and where others may think that was a punishment, it will forever be something I am thankful for and would wish for anyone that asks. I learned how much we are alike and even participated in a craft show with her. She is a photographer and graphic artist and puts scripture to everything; just as I do with my scripture sleeves, bible and journal covers, or anything else in my ministry. It was great to get a glimpse of what I will be like when I am older. I got to know my dad as an amazing person and Christian provider and leader of his household. I learned much from both of them and I truly feel I have grown in my relationship with Jesus because time and time again I was reminded…. “Be still and know that I am God.” (And He is….) I was able to make amends with my middle sister and truly get to know her as an adult and not someone I was competing against for everything, like we did as teens I carried guilt with me for years and didn’t think she would even want to entertain the idea of getting to know me; I have never been more thrilled to be wrong.  She came by to visit today and promised that we would keep in touch as we hugged and said “I love you.” I honestly believe it will happen. She has even agreed to go to my oldest daughter’s wedding in May since she still isn’t speaking to me and I was not invited; something I could not thank her for enough. I was fortunate enough to get to know my youngest sister for the first time, really. She was very young when I moved on and I never knew her past middle school age. I was blessed to be able to stay with her and her family for a while to help during her high risk pregnancy of her fourth child. Hazel Grace was welcomed into this world seven weeks early and weighing just 3 pounds, 14 ounces but was never on any assistive breathing devices or monitors and was home in just two weeks. Her actual due date was a week ago on Thanksgiving and she is nearly 7 pounds now and my sister has much to be thankful for.

My grandfather was someone I was very close to growing up. I liked to pretend I was his favorite and even said as much to my sisters….(another place in time I am not proud of). He is getting older but I was grateful to celebrate his 80^th birthday with him while I was here. I can’t remember the last birthday I was home for. He came by for a visit today and asked for my telephone numbers; vowing to call once a month. I happily gave them to him but am embarrassed to say that I didn’t ask for his. A mistake I will rectify before boarding the plane tomorrow.

There were lots of emotions that happened in the last six months and I am sure there are plenty more where those came from….and I welcome them all.

Just like I could not begin to thank God for all that he has done for me, I wouldn’t have any idea where to begin thanking my parents for what the past year has been because of them. They have truly led by an example I intend to follow. I sit and wonder what it would have been like if I had been closer to them growing up and wanted to follow in their footsteps then instead of running in the opposite direction and never looking back, until a year ago….but I can’t do that. I can just be thankful for the relationship that we have now and move forward; learn from my mistakes and try to help others to do the same. Not to lecture or preach to anyone but show them by example what is possible when you let Christ in; what can happen when you humble yourself and pick up the phone to say “I’m sorry. Can I come home?”

One of my favorite books is the Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson. In that book there is a story that speaks of a man getting a tour of heaven. He is walking around and sees a warehouse that he wasn’t shown so he asks what is inside. He is discouraged from going in, which of course makes him even more curious. When inside he sees shelves filled with boxes with ribbons and names assigned to each one; he learns that each of us has a box with our name on it….inside are all of the blessings that God would have given us if only we had asked for them. I can tell you that I ask for everything now. I don’t always get everything I want or may get it but not the way I would like for it to happen but I ALWAYS ASK. The answer will always be no if you don’t.

So…tomorrow is “My Exodus.” I am through this part of my journey and I welcome what is to come even though I know it will not be easy but He has given me the tools, the friends, the family, the church, the path, and the ability to hit the reset button and ALWAYS seek Him to know I am not alone.

Six months ago, I hugged my husband and my Lylas as we cried…and I promised them “Don’t worry, I will be right back.” Tomorrow is that day. I am sorry that it has taken the time it has, but to God, it is just a blink of an eye and we have only just begun to take this part of the journey…..together.

"I'm Going Home"  Chris Daughtry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bnX-6sJZBw