It is hard to believe it is the Eve of “My Exodus.” It has taken 184 days to get here but I have never had more peace than I do at this moment. I know that the time I have spent away from my husband, my daughters, my Lylas, and my church has all been part of a greater plan… of which I haven’t been let in on yet.
Although I have been separated from those I love very much; I have been given an amazing opportunity to reconnect with others I love as well; my parents, my grandfather and my sisters and their families. There were twelve years between visits and nearly two years between any contact whatsoever; letters, phone calls, or emails. Definitely not something I am proud of and I admit it with a heavy heart. But…if you would have told me that two years ago I would have had opportunities that I have been given, I wouldn’t have believed one of them, let alone the dozens of things that He has made possible.
There is no more wonderful word than 'grace'. "It means unmerited favor or kindness shown to one who is utterly undeserving...It is not merely a free gift, but a free gift to those who deserve the exact opposite, and it is given to us while we are 'without hope and without God in the world.'" - David Jeremiah "Captured by Grace.
I was, and still am, utterly undeserving. I have not been given “merely a free gift” but many; and it all started when I was “without hope and without God in my world.” And the gifts didn’t stop coming but only got better when I did accept that relationship and knew that not only was there a God in the world but he was my God; a God of second chances; a God that looks for the lost; a God that gave His only son for us so that we can be forgiven of our sins and have the opportunities that I have experienced in the last two years….and these last six months.
I have been sad to be apart from all that I love in Michigan and I know that life hasn’t been easy for them. But even that has been part of God’s plan and we are all understanding of that, even if it has been tough. The time spent with my parents has been indescribable; better than any week long vacation could ever capture. They welcomed me home with open arms; first figuratively a year ago, and then physically just six months ago. My mom and I spent nearly every hour together while I was home and where others may think that was a punishment, it will forever be something I am thankful for and would wish for anyone that asks. I learned how much we are alike and even participated in a craft show with her. She is a photographer and graphic artist and puts scripture to everything; just as I do with my scripture sleeves, bible and journal covers, or anything else in my ministry. It was great to get a glimpse of what I will be like when I am older. I got to know my dad as an amazing person and Christian provider and leader of his household. I learned much from both of them and I truly feel I have grown in my relationship with Jesus because time and time again I was reminded…. “Be still and know that I am God.” (And He is….) I was able to make amends with my middle sister and truly get to know her as an adult and not someone I was competing against for everything, like we did as teens I carried guilt with me for years and didn’t think she would even want to entertain the idea of getting to know me; I have never been more thrilled to be wrong. She came by to visit today and promised that we would keep in touch as we hugged and said “I love you.” I honestly believe it will happen. She has even agreed to go to my oldest daughter’s wedding in May since she still isn’t speaking to me and I was not invited; something I could not thank her for enough. I was fortunate enough to get to know my youngest sister for the first time, really. She was very young when I moved on and I never knew her past middle school age. I was blessed to be able to stay with her and her family for a while to help during her high risk pregnancy of her fourth child. Hazel Grace was welcomed into this world seven weeks early and weighing just 3 pounds, 14 ounces but was never on any assistive breathing devices or monitors and was home in just two weeks. Her actual due date was a week ago on Thanksgiving and she is nearly 7 pounds now and my sister has much to be thankful for.
My grandfather was someone I was very close to growing up. I liked to pretend I was his favorite and even said as much to my sisters….(another place in time I am not proud of). He is getting older but I was grateful to celebrate his 80th birthday with him while I was here. I can’t remember the last birthday I was home for. He came by for a visit today and asked for my telephone numbers; vowing to call once a month. I happily gave them to him but am embarrassed to say that I didn’t ask for his. A mistake I will rectify before boarding the plane tomorrow.
There were lots of emotions that happened in the last six months and I am sure there are plenty more where those came from….and I welcome them all.
Just like I could not begin to thank God for all that he has done for me, I wouldn’t have any idea where to begin thanking my parents for what the past year has been because of them. They have truly led by an example I intend to follow. I sit and wonder what it would have been like if I had been closer to them growing up and wanted to follow in their footsteps then instead of running in the opposite direction and never looking back, until a year ago….but I can’t do that. I can just be thankful for the relationship that we have now and move forward; learn from my mistakes and try to help others to do the same. Not to lecture or preach to anyone but show them by example what is possible when you let Christ in; what can happen when you humble yourself and pick up the phone to say “I’m sorry. Can I come home?”
One of my favorite books is the Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson. In that book there is a story that speaks of a man getting a tour of heaven. He is walking around and sees a warehouse that he wasn’t shown so he asks what is inside. He is discouraged from going in, which of course makes him even more curious. When inside he sees shelves filled with boxes with ribbons and names assigned to each one; he learns that each of us has a box with our name on it….inside are all of the blessings that God would have given us if only we had asked for them. I can tell you that I ask for everything now. I don’t always get everything I want or may get it but not the way I would like for it to happen but I ALWAYS ASK. The answer will always be no if you don’t.
So…tomorrow is “My Exodus.” I am through this part of my journey and I welcome what is to come even though I know it will not be easy but He has given me the tools, the friends, the family, the church, the path, and the ability to hit the reset button and ALWAYS seek Him to know I am not alone.
Six months ago, I hugged my husband and my Lylas as we cried…and I promised them “Don’t worry, I will be right back.” Tomorrow is that day. I am sorry that it has taken the time it has, but to God, it is just a blink of an eye and we have only just begun to take this part of the journey…..together.
"I'm Going Home" Chris Daughtry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bnX-6sJZBw
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