Circle of Friends; Center of Attention (Episode 2 of 2)

In our first episode we saw how a Circle of Friends is supposed to work, however, in my efforts to be as transparent as possible, I felt it only fair to show how my Circle of Friends operated in my PJ era…(Pre-Jesus).

After finding Jesus I knew that I never had real friends before; not to anyone’s fault but my own but it wasn’t something I thought I missed. The friends I had were only defined by 1s and 2s and how I could be benefitted from those relationships.

As you recall the 1s in our “Circle of Friends” are strangers; “these are the people we may never see again. Our lives intersect only for an instant. We don’t know them and they don’t know us. We may never know the impact we have on their life, but there is the potential to change them forever. We may be the only Christ this person ever sees. This stranger may never set foot in a church and we must represent Him well.”

The 2s in our “Circle of Friends” represented acquaintances. “These are people that we happen to know from various places. Perhaps we sit near them at church, or we see them when we check in at the dentist office. We may know their faces and names, but we don’t share any personal information. We usually see these people by coincidence, not because we plan to see them.”

Circle of Friends

In my PJ era circle; no further numbers are required because the next set of numbers began the sharing phase and let’s face it…I didn’t share too many personal facts with anyone. Mind you; I said “facts”. Let me explain.

The PJ era was very one-sided; constantly asking the question “How will this benefit me?” Needless to say….it wasn’t a mentality I am proud of yet it is exactly how my life was lived. I didn’t complain of course because it was always “All about me.” I am shocked that my ex-husband and daughters put up with me as long as they did because it couldn’t have been easy to be around me as selfish as I was.

Center of Attention

In my “Center of Attention” circle I was, as the name describes….the center of attention. Unlike my current circle of friends, the one thing everyone had in common was me.

1s were still strangers but 2s were everybody else; even my own family. There was plenty of room for a relationship with Jesus and more meaningful relationships with others, but there was no desire. Any numbers closer to me meant opening up and disclosing truths and feelings I was unwilling to share.

Let’s call the purple dot, coworkers. Where I was perfectly at home and personable at work; I was not sharing personal information…unless it was something that made me look better. “Hey, I’m doing a breast cancer walk”….which would purely be to prove I was doing something charitable and, oh yeah, “Would you like to sponsor me?” I didn’t accept invitations to lunch or offers to attend Happy Hours after work on Fridays. I wasn’t interested in stepping outside of my comfort zone or doing anything that was going to benefit them or try to facilitate any kind of real friendship.

The red dot could represent one pub, the green another, and the yellow…yet another. At each location I had the ability to wear different masks; no one knowing what was under the mask or if one of them was really me…including myself. When I stopped living the party lifestyle I wondered who I really was without the overindulgence of alcohol; would I even be fun? I was used to being the life of the party, the center of attention, the person that walked in and the party stopped…only to restart again with me being the ringleader. Why would I ever want to share personal information with anyone and give up the mysterious persona I was able to recreate every weekend?

My light blue dot represented my family. I strayed further and further from them and had no intentions of trying to mend any relationships or build new ones. My mom knew what I wanted her to know IF I decided to call her. I rarely spoke to my dad unless it was a holiday or mom said “Hang on a second; I know your dad would like to talk to you.” I wasn’t sharing any personal information with her, good or bad, and really just counted the minutes until I got to hang up and then looked at a calendar to see if any “must call home” holidays were fast approaching.

I would shy away from many, lie to most, and mislead them all if given the opportunity. If someone said something I didn’t like, I could easily move on and decide to find a new group of “friends;” where I got to start all over again; reinventing myself to be whatever I wanted or whoever I thought they would like.

It was a sad existence but not one I complained about because I didn’t realize how sad it was until I finally accepted the one true friendship that could turn my life around; the one where Jesus was my BFF. He was like a friend that shows up at your house everyday with a new present; some days it would be a scripture He thought I would like or a song that would be my new favorite for a few days; blaring through my surround sound. Other days the present would be a new friend he brought into my life through a bible study or sitting beside in a church the size of the Grand Ole Opry. The greatest gifts He has given me were the gift of grace, the renewed relationships with my family, and my husband that grows more and more each day in his own relationship with Him.

There is a saying: “You don’t know what ya got ‘til it’s gone.” But in my case, I didn’t realize what I was missing until I was given it ten times over by Jesus. I had no idea all that was available to me in friendships until He continued putting people in my path; people that I never thought I would be friends with and are now my very best friends; my 3s, 4s, and 5s…. all of us having at least one thing in common; a relationship with Jesus. Individually we are all different; some work where others are stay-at-home moms or housewives, some have small children while others of us are empty nesters, some are married where others are divorced or single and looking. But we all have Jesus in the center of our circle. We appreciate what we have in each other and look forward to sharing what He has rescued us from or share in faith all He is doing now.

I no longer worry about people meeting each other for fear of them comparing stories I may have told; all of them are the same. I don’t have to try and remember which mask I wore to which location because Jesus has shown me I don’t need a mask when He is in my heart. I am thrilled to have many rings in my Circle of Friends and love the closeness and purpose for them all. Putting Jesus at the center of all of my activities has been the answer to everything I needed help in solving and the gift of friendships that He blesses me with everyday is one I welcome and look forward to sharing.