(God's eye in the sky)
Growing up, I wasn’t really fixated on looks or what brand I wore but all that changed as an adult; kicking into overdrive after college and joining the Army. As a young single woman in the military; attention was not spared and I thrived on it….finding my first husband soon after. He was into the “looks” thing and I knew that but he was looking at me so it worked out; as long as I looked the way he wanted….hair color, clothing, or weight. It was then I realized that my value was not on the inside but in the packaging on the outside; it would be a very long time before I started to see my worth as something other than what my appearance portrayed.
Those were the days that I thought wearing a size in the double digits was the worst thing that could happen to me. I made sure I always wore makeup, even around the house. My hair was blonde and always done…just in case someone stopped by, which rarely happened but my husband liked me being cleaned up when he got home from work each night. But then he started coming home later and later and leaving for work earlier and earlier. It didn’t matter what I looked like, the color of my hair, or what I wore, his attention was elsewhere and I found myself home alone with three girls.
Fast forward a few years, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and as I sat alone in the hospital for chemo; my hair slowly thinning and falling out, my face emaciated, and my smile long gone I felt anything but beautiful. My mind flashed to the Mrs. Wisconsin trophy that sat dusty on a shelf in my room; now just a metal and marble reminder of what I no longer had. I didn’t have God in that moment and I wouldn’t have him for at least a decade. I use to wonder how I ever made it through so many things without him but then learned Jesus was with me all along just waiting for me to turn around and ask him for the forgiveness He so freely would have given at ANY moment.
After surviving that time of my life, I learned absolutely nothing and ran even further away from God….if that was possible; going from the proverbial frying pan to the fire. Beauty was still in the packaging and “stuff” I owned to accessorize was all that mattered. I didn’t feel beautiful but my pocketbook won friends, not real ones but the “yes” friends you think are fabulous until life takes a left turn. The party lifestyle, the worldly pursuits, and accelerated degeneration in relationships with my daughters were worse than any cancer ever experienced. It took a lot of ugliness to begin seeing the beauty that was possible. The drinking, snacking, and eating anything and everything had gotten the best of me; my weight skyrocketed to a crazy 265 pounds. I was now the super chunky girl that people would talk about: “She sure would be pretty if she would lose about 100 pounds. But she does have a …. (wait for it)…. great personality.” Who says words don’t hurt?
Lysa had great insight on “Finding Her Beautiful” in her devotion for today. (Which, by the way, ANYONE can sign up to receive. It is a 21Day Challenge that is completely separate of her book and participant guide…..which I highly recommend. But, as a starting point, please visit www.lysaterkeurst.com and click on the 21Day Challenge tab at the top. They’re great.)
Lysa says: “I don’t know a woman alive who is completely happy with her body. No woman I’ve met has ever said, “I eat healthy, I exercise, and I love the way I look 100 percent.” Not me, and I doubt you do either.”
“We tend to focus on what we see wrong with our bodies, including negative impressions and comments that stick with us from childhood. I’ve learned through God’s word that the body He gave me is good. It’s not perfect, nor will it ever be on this side of eternity. But my body is a gift, a good gift for which I can be thankful. Being faithful is taking care of this gift and walking according to God’s plan gives me renewed strength to keep a healthy view of my body.”
Who on earth would not take care of a gift given from God? I know, in the past, I was given many gifts from Him but never realized that is what they were. I just patted myself on the back for getting out of this situation or that; never once being thankful for the true giver. I now know from where my gifts come, even when wrapped up as a challenge or trial that needs to be overcome…including my weight. I know that I need to be faithful; taking care of this gift and doing what I can to get it back into shape…just has He has not given up in shaping me in His image.
Beauty is all around us. God created beauty everywhere we look. What does beauty in a person look like? God describes how man looks at beauty from an outward perspective but God views beauty inwardly. If we are in His image….shouldn’t we? Losing weight and getting more physically fit isn’t about fitting into a smaller size, although that will be a great perk. Getting my outside to match my inside is to show Him how much I appreciate the renewed strength he has given me and to get back that healthy view of my body. God made me a beautiful creation and the true beauty he sees in my heart. The heart of a person is expressed through how they act towards others and Him.
Now the whispers I imagine aren’t people talking behind their hands about how pretty I would be if I lost weight but Jesus saying: “You are altogether beautiful, my darling. And there is no blemish in you.” Song of Songs 4:7
Finding this study and making the decision to change my lifestyle, taking better care of the gift of my body that he has given me, is just a beginning to how I plan to continue giving back to Him.
“Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder” has taken on a new meaning for me these days. It is no longer a flippant saying meaning that different people will find different things beautiful. I know that God is the “Beholder” and He sees beauty in ALL his creations… even me; especially me.
“And God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.” Genesis 1:31
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