….Words to live by and not just words spoken by a very spoiled Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka.
I don’t know that I ever said them aloud but I know I have thought them hundreds of time in my adult life. I have to specify “my adult life” because growing up, my sisters and I had to earn everything we received; taking nothing for granted and being very appreciative afterwards. Boundaries were set and limitations were put on many things. Where it wasn’t seen as a blessing then, with friends around us living the “Veruca Salt” way; looking back I learned that is what I should have done with my daughters instead of giving to them before they even had to ask.
My adult life couldn’t have been more different. I probably thought those words and sang the song in my head at least once a day. Whether it was a $5.00 Starbucks each morning, going out every night and leaving my kids at home, or buying something I knew I couldn’t afford. I was married at the time to a guy that just couldn’t tell me “no” and in the end, I blamed him for it. Yeah… I did that. Sure, he would try but that would inevitably start a fight and he would figure out that to keep me happy, which meant everyone around me was happy….I had to get what I wanted at any cost. It inevitably was the demise of our marriage; among other things.
My lifestyle had gotten out of control because my daughters were already out of the house, living their own lives and what little parental hold I had was no longer there. I thought it gave me permission to take it up a notch and live life even fuller than I was before but that quickly got out of hand. After one DUI…I had small realizations at there was a problem, for a little while... but after a few months, went right back to my old ways. It was only after my second DUI that I woke up and searched for the hem of Jesus’ robe, looking for the boundaries and limitations; desperately needing someone to “tell me no;” feverishly wanting someone else to make the decisions because my track record for making my own wasn’t too favorable.
Lysa’s devotion today was about those very boundaries and the reasons we have them… for our own good. “Boundaries are not meant to be restrictive fences meant to keep you from enjoying life, but gifts from a God who cares about your well-being.” “Sometimes, the words “no”, “boundaries”, and “limitations” stir up feelings of deprivation and resistance in my strong-willed self.”
I experienced those exact circumstances growing up. How did I turn into such an entitled, spoiled brat as an adult? Growing up in a small town, I vowed to get out as soon as possible…just like many from my meager sized graduating class. I graduated high school early and couldn’t wait to get to college and then the Army where I could do whatever I want. It does seem like an oxy-moron; doing whatever I wanted in the military, but let me explain. I loved the discipline. I loved the opportunity to impress someone, either with combat skills, physical exercise, work ethic, or just being on time. This is where the masks started coming into play. I got to be the responsible blonde girl in the medical unit full of men, all attention on me. Yes, there were limitations and boundaries but when I clocked out… I was on the loose; still taking the “all eyes on me” feeling with me into my personal life. THIS is the moment I started feeling entitled. I got away with a lot of things, treated differently because I was a female in the military, even being able to drink under age because my boyfriend was old enough. I may have discipline and limitations at work but my personal life was revving up to be full blown enabled. I was looking for free reign and got it. If Jesus tried to come in my life then; I definitely wasn’t listening.
It got worse before it got better but I now know that is exactly how it was supposed to be. Paul spoke from experience because he was on a destructive path of his own when Jesus turned his life around.
“If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”
“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load. Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor. Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family or believers.” Galatians 6:1-10
These few verses from Paul are what I try to do now, knowing I fall short much of the time. I know that I pretended to be someone I wasn’t because there was no one to put boundaries on me. I know that I was on a path to reaping the destruction, I myself was sowing. I was caught in sin over and over again. I thought I was better than those around me despite the lies I told and the people I hurt. These verses remind me that, like Paul… I can turn my life around and embrace boundaries and limitations. I may become weary in doing good but I feel that because Jesus rescued me from a dark and dusty road, I must do what I can to “pay it forward” even knowing that some around me may balk at my story because of where I came from. If Paul can do it…. so can I.
Paul never tried to forget who he was but embraced it; I am certain that he was mocked in the process because everyone knew who he was before. But, he reminds us that God cannot be mocked and He chose him to be a spokesperson to those that once feared him.
If I had it to do all over again, I would have known that my parents raised me the way they did for a reason. I would have followed their example and not ruined the relationships with my daughters by raising them with minimal boundaries and limitations. I used to think it was too late to turn things around since they are young adults now and living on their own but I am trying to set an example now in the life I lead and hope that they see changes in my life and how they, too, can turn things around if they don’t like their circumstances.
No… I never thought boundaries were a good thing. Limitations were something I avoided. Being told “no” would surely have ended up in a fight. But now I know that God has my best interest at heart and the things I went through were necessary to “show” me and not just be told what could happen. I wouldn't have believed it and thought "That only happens to other people."
I am surprised at just how much this “Made to Crave” study is making me think. Not just about healthier eating but about a healthier way of looking at things. He isn’t telling us “no” to punish us but to protect us. He isn’t depriving us of things we want but telling us why we need to make better decisions. He doesn’t want us to wear masks and pretend we are happier, richer, or more Christian than we are. Like a parent…he wants what is best for us and is sad and disappointed when we make the wrong choices, hoping we learn from that mistake and make a better choice next time.
I still say “I want it NOW” a lot, only I am usually referring to an answer to prayer when it doesn’t come quick enough. (Still working on the “in His timing, not mine” mentality). I was a spoiled, entitled, and enabled brat. Now I am just a child of God that is constantly seeking my Daddy’s approval and he knows that being a chunky child of God isn’t making me as happy as He wants me to be.
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