Could be Peaches. Could be Peas.

Imagine having to go through life wondering what’s inside; peaches or peas. Jesus says we don’t have to wonder but have faith in Him.

Easier said than done. But I’m workin’ on it.

I don’t deal well with change and being a Christian hasn’t helped that as much as I would like to admit. I do try to recognize that things happen for a reason and only God needs to know what that reason is until we figure it out…but right now, I am in the “trying to figure it out” stage and it is more than a little frustrating. I pray. I read the bible in search for answers looking for proof, hoping to find solace in the pages of the love letter He left for us but I am a bit lost.

There is a saying in my family that my daughters and I have used since they were little. “Could be peaches. Could be peas.” I used to tell them that when they were going through something or apprehensive about what was coming next. You just never know what lies ahead….easier said than to digest myself apparently. How hard would it be to make dinner if the labels were taken off all of the canned goods in your pantry? You just don’t know what you’re going to get when you open the can; could be something sweet and juicy or green and squishy. (Obviously I am not a fan of peas….literal or hypothetical). I like being able to read the label and know exactly “what is coming next” but right now I am looking at two cans; uncovered and daunting, staring me down from the pantry, daring me to take a guess.

I know that I don’t have to guess and should have faith that whatever happens is for His purpose and it will be as he has written it long before the “peaches and peas” theory came into existence.

Let me be more specific.

I left Michigan 156 days ago. When I left there, I was very close to several women from church through our bible study. We spent a lot of time together talking about the study, getting together for coffee, dinners with our spouses, and planning things we would do together. Several of us met for a “Gidget’s Last Supper” and the ones that couldn’t make that event went to lunch together after church my last Sunday. There were no goodbyes or sad endings, just reaffirmation that Christ was going to do to great things and He asked me along for the ride. I hugged each one and said “Don’t worry about me. I will be right back.” Needless to say….I am still saying that and it is a joke between us now. “You can tell me the rest of your stories when you “get right back” etc.

So, after I left, one week turned into one month, which turned into two, which turned into three. I received letters from some and packages from others. We texted and we emailed. We phoned and we continued to promise each other that all was going to be awesome because He was orchestrating it all. It was just about six weeks ago that I had an uneasiness settle over me when praying. I tried to ignore it but it was incessant regardless of how I tried to pray it away or tell myself I was over exaggerating. I emailed one Lyla to tell her I was worried that everyone was changing. I feared being left behind because life had gone on while I wasn’t there. I wasn’t expecting people to put their lives on hold or anything, and I definitely didn’t think that anyone could stall birthday parties or baptisms but I felt sad; missing out. I told her everything I was afraid of and she said “Yeah….we are all changing but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. People change and that doesn’t mean we have outgrown each other or anything. We’ve missed you and can’t wait for you to get back but things aren’t going to be the way they were when you left.”

My heart sank. In my mind I heard “It’s not you, it’s me.” I felt like I was being broken up with and didn’t know how to react. I know that I have missed birthdays, anniversaries, baptisms, surgeries, and bible studies but I wanted everything to be just like it was when I left.

Just like a bad diagnosis from one doctor and demanding a second opinion from another, I sought out another friend and told her my same hesitations about coming home; worried that everyone would be changed and I wouldn’t know what to do. Unlike the first conversation being via email and having time to think answers through, this conversation was live via instant messaging. I told her my plight and I shared with her the response from friend number one; she agreed with her fully. She said simply “People change. God doesn’t. Life happened and we have all missed you but things aren’t going to be the way they were when you left. We are all still going to be friends but we have different experiences along the way and have grown. I don’t want to sound like “I am breaking up with you too” but she has a point and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. People get busy and priorities change. We will just have to see how things work out when you get home.”

I am worried about change. When I get home in just over three weeks; will I be going home to peaches or peas? Will I be able to recapture the closeness we shared in the two months before I left? Will there be opportunities to bring us back to where we were? Is that something that Jesus wants for me or am I trying to force something into happening that He wants me to grow from?

I went from not having any friends to being close to several. I don’t have a lot of practice at being a good friend but find myself wanting to be the best one I can be. Jesus tells me to have faith in him and I do. I am thankful for all that he gives to me and I have learned that he always has a way of making things work for His benefit…whether they are peaches or peas moments.

I know that my life isn’t going to be “All peaches - All the time” but I want to learn how to handle the “Peas” moments better than I am handling them now.