Things I Have Missed

I have been apart from everything in my life for 174 days, and in that time I have missed many things.

-       Father’s Day

-       4^th of July

-       Lynnette and Lisa’s birthday (Two of my fave Lylas)

-       My birthday

-       Anja’s birthday (Daughter #2)

-       Lynnette’s baptism

-       An entire 8 week series at church with church wide bible study

-       Baby’s Homecoming (….to stay)

-       Karen’s 4year old son had open heart surgery (…another fave Lyla)

-       Robbe’s birthday (my husband)

-       Our First Wedding Anniversary

-       Sobriety Court graduation

-       Thanksgiving 

13 pretty significant things that went on without me being a part of them. I couldn’t stop celebrations from happening or heartache from being felt. I wasn’t in the front row of a baptism and a First Wedding Anniversary is not something that can be recreated. Sure, I could pray for my friend as she sat in the waiting room waiting for word of her son but I couldn’t sit there holding her hand. My daughter came home after a long detour and I haven’t been there to welcome her home with open arms like I envisioned “if” she decided to return. With each date that came and went, I found myself being selfish and not wanting them to take place without me. People were going about their life as if I weren’t in it and it was quite humbling. Since finding my relationship with Jesus I am not nearly the selfish person I was but it wasn’t long for her to surface with each event. Satan had no problem reaching me through my own kids or husband or holidays. And let’s face it…. he was always the host of my pity parties that I stayed at a little too long.

I praise God for rescuing me from each “party” but I am embarrassed to admit that there were feelings of anxiety and sadness left in their wake.

I have many post its throughout my bible, along with highlighted areas. Sometimes it is something I have learned in a bible study, a verse someone wants me to put on a bible cover or scripture sleeve, or just something I am drawn to after hearing it in church. I found myself leaving one pity party and looking for guidance; hoping to have advice jump off the pages. I looked through every post it and handwritten note until I finally ended up in 1Peter chapter 5….waaaay in the back of the bible. Apparently someone had chosen 1Peter 5:7 for a scripture sleeve but I read it, liked it, sewed it to a sleeve and never read further….until very recently when sulking about all that went on without me and the anxiety of the changes I would be coming home to were rising.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  1 Peter 5:7

…and it goes on.

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” 1Peter 5:8-10

Um….. what can you say to that? I felt small and petty. I couldn’t imagine making this scripture fit into my dilemma. The apostle Peter was talking to Jewish Christians that were scattered because of persecution and all followers of Jesus. These people were truly suffering and he wanted them to be able to accept that suffering and to let the suffering itself help them reflect the gospel. If they accepted the suffering as part of their Christian experience rather than fighting it, the world would have a chance to see that Christ offers hope.

Our attitude toward other represents Christ to them.

Even though I tried to keep my disappointment to myself; I still took it personally that each of these things went on without me. I only hope it was not as apparent or selfish to them as I am sure it was to Jesus.

The devil that was prowling around me was using my kids, my friends, my husband, my church, and my distance to put a wedge between us. One of my Lylas put it so succinctly… “Yes, we have changed since you’ve been gone, but that isn’t a bad thing. I am sure that you have changed too. We can’t wait for you to get back and fill you in and not necessarily pick up where we left off, as you hoped….but share how we have grown and begin again.” (Thank you Lynnette)

How can I twist this scripture to apply to a pity party for being apart from the life I left behind in Michigan? …. “stand firm in your faith because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” These people were truly suffering and I was just feeling forgotten, left behind, and sorry for myself.

“…..after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” Lynnette snapped me out of it quickly but compassionately. It isn’t about me and change isn’t a bad thing. Now… I look forward to “getting right back” and hearing from everyone; all that I missed. I am excited with anticipation to be with all of them and get filled in on everything that happened to them, laugh with them, cry with them, share with them, praise with them, and grow with them; beginning the new chapter that Jesus has already written and we finally get to live…one page at a time.

I believe I did suffer a little while and in 8 short days he is holding true to his word; restoring me and making me strong, firm, and steadfast. Look out…. I’m coming home and I can’t wait to see ALL that he has in store for all of us; just as Lynnette said… to share how we have grown and begin again.