Welcome Home

Just about this time last year the phone was ringing; on one end a mom that hadn’t heard from her daughter in a while…a long while. On the other end the daughter that kept waiting for things to get better before picking up that phone that weighed 100 pounds.

God knew that this day would come. Mom hoped it would and the daughter vowed “never again.” The longer she waited for things to get better; the worse they got. Or when they would get better, it wouldn’t be long enough to sound believable enough if mom asked “How are things? How have you been?” So it was easier not to hope and tell herself;  “She has two other daughters to check in, she won’t miss my phone call.” Christmases went by. “Happy New Year’s” were toasted. Mother’s Days and birthdays came and went. Even though there were constant reminders from flyers in the newspaper, commercials on TV, and displays in stores; each year it somehow became easier and easier to treat those like all the other days of the year that went without “checking in”.

The daughter was me. I left home at 17 and never really looked back. We weren’t close by any stretch and then I tried to check in for the first few years; sharing holiday pictures of my daughters or sending the occasional school photos. My excuse was that I lived across the country but the reality was that I couldn’t wait to get out of the small town I grew up in and away from everyone that knew me. My mom is only 15 years older than me and we never got along no matter what she did to try and make things better. I was under the impression that I didn’t need her and got out of town as soon as possible, even graduating high school early to do it.

What followed was nearly twenty years of ups and downs (more downs than ups). But, it was never bad enough to call home and I could never get the courage to admit defeat. The phone calls stopped altogether and checking in became a thing of the past. Years went by. My daughters grew up and decided they didn’t need me just as quickly as I decided the same with my mom. I became friends of the world and soon realized I didn’t have any friends. When I was up, I had more than I could imagine and was the life of the party; everyone wanting to be a part of where I was. But when I fell…and I fell hard, everyone disappeared. One daughter didn’t even make the move with me from Wisconsin to Michigan, one made the move to go to college just ten minutes from our house and insisted on living in the dorms anyway….dropping out and moving on just after the first semester. My youngest daughter dropped out of high school her senior year and wanted to be homeschooled but the minute she turned 18…decided she was better off alone too; no high school diploma, no money, no drivers license. But she would rather be anywhere but home.

Around July of last year I was finally broken and told everything to my soon to be husband. I had never been more humble than I was that moment and he calmly told me everything that I needed to do and calling home was the top of his list. In that one moment, a single phone call that lasted less than ten minutes; twenty years of hurt and pain and guilt and disappointment melted away. It was during that phone call that I began to learn about grace. Not just forgiveness…but grace. To quote David Jeremiah’s “Captured by Grace – “There is no more wonderful word than “grace.” It means unmerited favor or kindness shown to one who is utterly undeserving…  It is not merely a free gift, but a free gift to those who deserve the exact opposite, and it is given to us while we are ‘without hope and without God in the world’.” It felt good to be home even though we were 2500 miles apart. I knew that a relationship with God was next and it wouldn’t be long before the prayer my mom had been praying would truly be answered. Yes; she wanted the phone call and to welcome me back from a long journey but she continually prayed for my salvation and that was the true gift.

“There is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Luke 15:10

It was then that I read the story of the Prodigal Son and it was made perfectly clear to me how truly relevant the bible is today as it was thousands of years ago. Luke 15:11 was more than a parable of a lost son. That phone call home happened in July and it took me until October to begin my own relationship with Jesus. I just couldn’t forgive myself for the roads I had taken and found it hard to believe that He could forgive me if I couldn’t…but he did. The father in this story was God welcoming us home no matter where our travels took us; even me. As low as it got and I thought “this isn’t so bad.” It got lower and then it was beyond survivable. But I know that ALL that I put myself through will one day be useful to Him and in many ways, it already has. I am constantly amazed at the things He uses for his glory but I am certain He smiles since he planned it all along; it is only news to me.

But this is where the story turns.

“I can’t live here anymore. I’m 18 and I can do what I want. I don’t want to be here. My sister is coming on Friday to get me and I’m moving to Wisconsin. You can’t stop me.” Words my youngest yelled at me before packing as much as she could into a borrowed minivan when her sister pulled up, barely stopping in to say ‘hi’ get a bottle of water and heading out again. As easily as that …. She was gone. I had managed to drive them all away and now the house was empty aside from a 100 pound dog and a guy that wanted to marry me but had to be having second thoughts with the angst of new adults and the despair that lingered behind her like a wake behind a boat.

Just as she promised; she was gone. Just like that. She lasted just three weeks in Wisconsin before she decided she wanted another new start, only this time, much further away and no one to help her. She sold what she could and bought a one way ticket to California and stayed with friends. She was sure that this was the life she was meant to lead and her downward spiral began just as surely as mine did. (Hello Apple… meet Tree).

I was a Christian now but life wasn’t any easier. Things weren’t all of the sudden going my way; my family was torn apart in three different states, my new husband and I were still unemployed and contemplating a move to a city we knew no one, and no matter how much I prayed I still wasn’t sure what the answers were or what was going to happen next.

What followed was ten months of hearing about my daughter moving from one house to another, sleeping on this couch with this friend or on the floor of this condo with another. When she did check in she pretended that everything was great but I knew that story because it was one of my own. She was leading the life she just saw me get away from and she pretended to be just fine and happy with how everything was going. My family tried to help her but she claimed not to need it. I worried about her constantly but paid for a cell phone so she would have no excuse for not calling home IF she needed us to get her on a plane home. The phone never rang….UNTIL He decided she had had enough and brought her closer.

She finally admitted that things weren’t great. The last place she was in was with a friend of hers that decided she wanted her out so when “her friend” was elsewhere, she called her landlord and the police and said that my daughter was an unwelcomed houseguest that was to stay just a few days and now refused to leave. When she called me, the landlord and the police were at the front door and telling her to get her things, she was going to have to leave…then and there.

It was just the beginning but we got her out of that situation. Within a week she was on a plane home to Michigan even though I am still in a different part of California. She went home to my husband and it was rough for a couple of weeks; like a beaten, scared child coming home from God knows where. We didn’t know the details and didn’t need to know. We just wanted her to know that she was welcomed home and we gave her the forgiveness and grace that was so easily passed to me when I made that very difficult phone call home.

How strange it feels to be welcomed home so easily and openly the way I was. To be so grateful to be the prodigal son that returns home to a party, no questions asked. To not only be given unmerited favor but lavished with love and forgiveness and faith that your will has changed and God was the one that changed it. But it is stranger still to realize that just one year after I was given that amazing gift that was so undeserved, I had the opportunity to give that same gift to my daughter; another prodigal son. Showing her what it truly means to be blessed beyond measure.

I was the oldest of three girls; she was the youngest of mine. Everything happens for a reason and it is always in His timing and for His purpose. Since she has returned home just 38 days ago, she attends church with my husband – Row 5, Seat 10…saving my seat. She tore out the edge of the program and dropped it in, accepting her own relationship with Jesus. She is nearly finished with her home schooling now. She has her driver’s license and a job. But it gets even better. Because not only is she as grateful as I was for the opportunities He put before me, she is already doing what she can to help another as it was given so freely to her. Her friend moved in with us last weekend and she, too is now “home” and finding her own way. They will be moving into their own apartment at the beginning of the year and love the message they hear at our church every Sunday.

Tell me He doesn’t use EVERY part of our lives for His glory. I dare you.

Wherever you were, He came looking for you because you are valuable to him. You are worth every moment of the search. For when you answered his call, he and the angels in heaven rejoiced. And now you are his beloved child, one of his “chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9

Jesus still searches for the lost. Where did he find you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt-lUMBWi30

"Prodigal" by Casting Crowns